>>> estada@safe-mail.net 09/11/02 04:27AM
>>>
DEAR SIR/MADAM,
I got your contact address through a reliable
source in my search for a reliable and trustworthy person who
will assist me in a businessinvestment venture in your country.
I am Mrs LOUISA EJERCITOR ESTRADA Estrada, the wife of Mr Joseph
Estrada the former president of Philippine located in the south
east Asia.
My husband was presently impeached from office
by a backed uprising of mass demonstrators and the senate. During
my husband's regime as president of Philippine, I realised US$21.540
millions of dollars from various contract projects I executed
successfully. I had planned to invest this money for my children's
future on real estate and industrial production. My husband is
not aware of this because I wish to do it secretely for now. Before
my husband was impeasched from office, I concretely and secretely
deposited this money and declared it computer ledger cards with
diplomatic security company that transports valuable goods/consignment
through diplomatic courier service to their offshore offices.
The consignment which are contained in the two trunks are declared
are owned by my foreign business partners.
I wish to discuss how much I will offer you
if you will be willing to assist me claim the money and invest
it in your country. I want to assure you that all modalities are
put inplace and it is a risk free transaction. I'm trusting you
as a God fearing person who will not sit on my life saving fund.
This business demands absolute secrecy and confidentiality, thus
all communications for now should be through e-mail because all
my phone lines are connected to the Philippine's telecommunication
network services. I will furnish you with more details when I
receive your positive response. Expecting your urgent reply,through
this e-fax number+1775-458-5861.
Thanks.
Best regards,
Mrs Louisa Ejercitor Estrada
___________________________________
Dear Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
I have not responded until now because I don't know how to operate
an e-fax, whatever that is. But this sounds like such a glorious
business opportunity for both of us that I am responding anyway,
through regular e-mail. For my efforts I would expect to realize
at least 25% of the total amount, assuming the money can be successfully
extracted from the concrete. Is this possible?
Brad Christensen
____________________________________
>>> "Louisa Ejercitor Estrada"
<e_stada@rediffmail.com> 10/17/02 02:44AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
THANKS FOR YOUR WILLINGNESS TO CONCLUDE THIS
TRANSACTION WITH ME,I
AM VERY SORRY FOR THE LITTLE DELAY IN RESPONDING TO THIS MAIL,ITS
JUST BASED ON THE FACT THAT MY BROTHER WAS ONE OF THE VICTIMS
OF
THIS BALI EXPLOSSION.
HOWEVER,I HAVE AGRRED TO OVER YOU THE 25% OF
THE TOTAL AMOUNT AS
YOU HAVE DEMANDED,BUT I WILL ALSO LIKE YOU TO AMKE SOLID
ARRANGEMENT ON AREAS WHERE THIS FUND SHALL BE BE INVESTED IN THE
US.
NOW IT MAY INTEREST YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS MONEY
IN QUESTION IS
PRESENTLY WITH A DIPLOMATIC FIRM IN AMSTERDAM IN HOLLAND,AND IT
WAS MOVED THROUGH THE HELP OF A FRIEND OF MY LAWYER WHO IS
EX-DIPLOMAT, A SOUTH AFRICAN CITIZEN BASED IN EUROPE.SO FOR US
TO
CONCLUDE IN GOOD TIME,AND YOU SHALL BE REQUIRED TO BE IN AMSTERDAM
FOR THE COLLECTION OF THIS CONSIGNMENT.
I HAVE ASKED MY LAWYER TO REACH YOU THE PHONE,HIS
NAMME IS MR
WILLIAM DAVID,A SOUTHA FRICAN AS WELL. NOTE THAT ALL YOUR EXPENSES
INCLUDING YOUR FLIGHT TICKET SHALL BE REFUNDED BACK TO YOU IMMEDIATELY
THE CONSIGNMENT IS BEING COLLECTED.
FURTHER BE INFORMED THAT THE DIPLOMAT DOES NOT
KNOW THAT THIS
CONSIGNMENT ACTUALLY BELONGS TO ME,FOR WE TOLD HIM THAT IT BELONGS
TO A FREIND OF MY HUSBAND,SO AS YOU CONTACT HIM AS WE PROGRESS
YOU
WILL ALSO CLAIM THE LEGITIMATE OWNER OF THE CONSIGNMENT,BUT HE
KNOWS THAT THE CONTENT IS CASH,AND THE DIPLOMATIC FIRM DOES NOT
KNOW THAT THE CONTENT IS CASH FOR IT WAS CODED AS COMPUTER LEDGER
CARDS,TO AVOID THE FUND BEING TERM AS DRUG MONEY,TERIRRIST MONEY
ETC.
I WILL FURNISH YOU WITH MORE DETAILS AS I HEAR
FROM YOU WHEN IT
WILL BE CONVINIENT FOR YOU TO BE IN AMSTERDAM BY NEXT WEEK FOR
THE
FINAL CONCLUSSION OF THIS TRANSACTION.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.
MRS.LOUISA. ESTRADA
__________________________________
Dear Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
I have spoken with your lawyer, who called me earlier today.
I told him that either his English or my hearing needs improvement
because I could not really understand much of what he was saying.
He did mention Amsterdam, however, and I told him I would be able
to travel there on Oc.t 24 or 25. I still need to be convinced
that you can effectively extract the money from concrete. You
said the money was concretely deposited, and I am wondering why
you did that. How does anybody lift the trunks with all that concrete?
Please advise promptly. Other than this concern I am excited about
our partnership.
Brad Christensen
________________________________
>>> "Louisa Ejercitor Estrada"
<e_stada@rediffmail.com> 10/19/02 02:26AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL,I HAD TO WAIT TO HEAR FROM
THE DIPLOMAT IN
AMSTERDAM,SO THAT I CAN REALLY GIVE YOU THE FULL DETAILS YOU
REQUIRED TO KNOW.
ALSO NOTE THAT THIS ARRANGEMENT IS VERY SAFE,AS
WHEN YOU
ARRIVE,YOU SHALL BE REQUIRED TO VISIT THE DIPLOMATIC FIRM WITH
THE
DIPLOMAT FOR THE COLLECTION OF THE CONSIGNMENT,I HAVE ASKED THE
DIPLOMAT TO CHANGE THE DEPOSITORS NAME TO YOURS AND ALSO TO SEND
YOU COPIES OF THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS.
ACTUALLY HE IS NOT IN AMSTERDAM AS AT NOW BUT
BY MONDAY HE WILL
DEFINATELY CONTACTS YOU,HIS NAME IS MR SAMUEL JOHNSON.CONCERNING
YOU COMING HE WILL DIRECT YOU ON HOW TO COME AND WHERE TO BE,HE
WILL EVEN HELPED YOU TO BOOK A HOTEL RESERVATION FOR YOU AND MAY
BE WILL ALSO WELCOME YOU AT THE AIRPORT.
SO I HOPE BY MONDAY HE WILL CERTAINLY CALL YOU
TO SPEAK WITH
YOU.PLS. ALWAYS KEEP ME POSTED OF YOUR DISCUSSIONS WITH HIM,AND
I
WILL STILL LIKE YOU TO BRIEF ME ON THE ARRANGEMENT YOU HAVE MADE
CONCERNING THE INVESTMENT PLANS.
I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU.
MRS.ESTRADA
_______________________________
Dear Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
Before I purchase a ticket to Amsterdam, you must honestly reveal
to me how you intend to extract the money from concrete. I have
asked this question several times now (see e-mails below) and
thus far you have refused to provide an answer. I am not interested
in flying all the way to Amsterdam to be presented with large
blocks of concrete that I will not even be able to lift. If you
do not have a means of removing the money from concrete, just
tell me so we will stop wasting each other's time.
Brad
_______________________________
>>> "Louisa Ejercitor Estrada"
<e_stada@rediffmail.com> 10/25/02 10:21AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
COMPLEMENT OF THE DAY.I AM VERY SORRY FOR THE
KEEPING YOU THIS
LONG,ITS JOST THAT I NEED TO TAKE MY TIME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU
MEAN BY EXTRACTING THE MONEY FROM CONCRETE.CAN YOU PLS EXPLAIN
MORE OF WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT.
I SHALL BE WAITING FOR THE ANSWER.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.
MRS.ESTRADA
_______________________________
Dear Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
In your very first e-mail to me you stated the money was "concretely
and secretly deposited" in two trunks. I am asking for about
the tenth time now how you intend to extract or separate the money
from the hardened concrete so that the money can be used. When
packing the trunks, why didn't you use old newspapers or those
styrofoam peanuts instead of concrete? I assume it was because
you wanted to make the trunks very heavy so they couldn't be stolen.
But now that the money cannot be used, I bet you regret that decision.
Please let me know when you find a means of extracting the money
from concrete and I will become your partner.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "Louisa Ejercitor Estrada"
<e_stada@rediffmail.com> 10/25/02 03:21PM >>>
Brad Christensen,
THANKS,I NOW UNDERSTOOD WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT.IT
WAS JUST A MEANS
OF MY EXPRESSING TO YOU HOW SAFE THE MONEY IS IN THE
CONSIGNMENT,THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE MONEY IS AND THE TRUNK
IS
CONCRETE.
I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THE FUND IS
HIGHLY SECURED,AND
PRESENTLY AS I TOLD YOU THAT MONEY IS WITH THE FIRM IN AMSTERDAM
WHICH I WILL NOW WANT YOU TO TRY AND CONTACT BY MONDAY.
HOWEVER,THE NAME OF THE DIPLOMAT IS MR SAMUEL
JOHNSON,I WILL ASK
HIM TO CONTACT YOU SO THAT YOU CAN ARRANGE ON HOW TO GO FOR THE
COLLECTION OF THE CONSIGNMENT.
THANKS.
MRS.ESTRADA
_______________________________
Dear Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
Please tell me something new. It is obvious to me that the money
is not concrete and that the box is not concrete. Money is made
out of paper and your trunks are probably made from wood or metal.
But I am concerned because you say you used concrete as an expression
of safety, meaning that you mixed the money with concrete to ensure
its safety. I now need to know what solvents and equipment you
intend to use to break down the concrete without destroying the
money. Thanks for your patience in this matter, but it is an important
one.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "Louisa Ejercitor Estrada"
<e_stada@rediffmail.com> 10/29/02 02:11PM >>>
Brad Christensen,
COMPLEMENT OF THE DAY.I AM STILL WAITING TO
HEAR FROM
YOU,PLS.COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT THE SITUATION LOOKS LIKE.
THANKS.
MRS.ESTRADA
_______________________________
Dear Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
You have not responded to the concerns I raised in my last e-mail,
sent Friday, Oct. 25. Previously you said you used the term "concrete"
as "an expression of safety." To me, that means you
mixed the money with concrete to ensure its safety. Please stop
avoiding the question and tell me what solvents and equipment
you intend to use to break down the concrete without destroying
the money.
I ran a test the other day using some Monopoly money and concrete.
Nothing could break it apart except a sledgehammer, but the sledgehammer
ripped the money to shreds! Next I tried it with a real $100 bill.
Guess what? Same thing happened!
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
Dear Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
Just received a very long telephone call from somebody professing
to be your lawyer. He stated repeatedly that no concrete was involved
in the packaging of the money. I would certainly love to believe
him, but it is easy to lie over the phone. I need a written guarantee
from him stating the following:
"As God is my witness, I swear on stacks of Bibles, Books
of Mormon, the Koran, old copies of The Watchtower, L. Ron Hubbard
pamphlets and any other available religious materials that no
concrete was used in the packaging of the money."
Once I receive this written guarantee from your lawyer I will
prepare to travel to Amsterdam to claim the money.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "Louisa Ejercitor Estrada"
<e_stada@rediffmail.com> 10/31/02 05:08AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
COMPLEMENT OF THE DAY.PLS. I WRITE TO KNOW FROM
YOU WHAT YOUR
SCHEDULES WILL LOOKS LIKE,AND ALSO TO INFORM YOU THAT THE LAWYER
JUST MAILED AND ASKED ME TO TELL YOU TO PLS. EXCERCISE LITTLE
PETEINTS FOR HIM,HE HAS BEEN SO BUSY IN SOUTH AFRICA AND HE
PROMISED TO WRITE YOU AS SOON AS HE IS FREE.
ALSO THE DIPLOMAT MIGHT CONTACT YOU ANY MOMENT
FRON NOW,HE IS
BASED IN AMSTERDAM IN HOLLAND,AND HIS NAME IS MR SAMUEL JOHNSON.
PLS. LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO,KINDLY KEEP ME POSTED OF ALL YOUR
CORRESPONDENCE.
THANKS.
MRS.ESTRADA
_______________________________
>>> "Samuel Johnson" <samjoh1@hotmail.com>
11/01/02 10:10AM >>>
Sir,
I have been mandated by Mrs. Luisa Estrada
from the Estrada family to
establish contact with you with regards the transaction in holland.
I also call you earlier today
but you were not in the office, however please
respond to this or call me on phone #31-612-943-905 so that
we can move on
with the transaction.
Greetings,
Samuel
_______________________________
Dear Luisa Ejaculator Estrada and Samuel Johnson:
I have attached both of your e-mails below for the convenience
of a single response that should keep the three of us on the same
page, so to speak.
I have not yet received the requested written guarantee from
your lawyer regarding my concrete concerns, despite promises he
made over the phone three days ago to do so. This is very important
because he said he personally packed the money and would be the
only one to know if concrete was mixed in. However, his hesitance
to send the written statement makes me believe he was lying through
his teeth and that the money really was mixed with concrete.
Again I request the following written guarantee signed by your
lawyer:
"As God is my witness, I swear on stacks of Bibles, Books
of Mormon, the Koran, old copies of The Watchtower, L. Ron Hubbard
pamphlets and any other available religious materials that no
concrete was used in the packaging of the money."
Until I receive this written guarantee I will have nothing to
do with this project.
Best wishes,
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
11/07/02 08:06AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
SIR,
THIS IS FROM MR WILLIAM DAVID TH LWYER TO MRS
LOUISA ESTRADA,I WRITE
CONCERNING THE WRITTEN GUARANTEE YOU DEMANDED FROM ME BEFORE YOU
CAN FURTHER CONTINUE WITH THE BUSINESS TRANSACTION.
I HEEBY GUARANTEED YOU THAT THE CONTENT OF THE
TWO TRUNK BOXES IN AMSTERDAM IS 100% FILLED WITH $100.00 DOLLARS
BILLS,THIS I SWEAR IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST AS A CHRISTAIN.
I WILL STILL TRY TO SEE ON HOW TO SEND TO YOU,THE
RECORDED INFORMATION ON
HOW THE MONEY WAS ARRANGED BEFORE SHIPMENT.
I HOPE THIS INFORMATION WILL STATISFY YOUR CURIOUSITY.
KINDLY ACCEPT MY WARM APOLOGY FOR TAKING MUCH
OF YOUR TIME.
YOUR SINCERELY.
BARR:WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Dear Mr. David and Mrs. Estrada:
Thank you for the attempted written guarantee, but it is insufficient
because it does not cover the entire spectrum of religions. What
if you are not telling the truth about your religion and are not
actually a Christian? It wouldn't be much of a guarantee to swear
in the name of Christ, would it??
Your guarantee must state the following:
"As God is my witness, I swear on stacks of Bibles, Books
of Mormon, the Torah, the Koran, the Veda, old copies of The Watchtower,
L. Ron Hubbard pamphlets, remnants of parchment and any other
available religious materials that no concrete was used in the
packaging of the money."
Please take care of this matter immediately so I can travel to
Amsterdam to finalize this business.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
11/11/02 03:04PM >>>
Brad Christensen,
Sir,
I WRITE TO INFORM YOU THAT,I WILL LIKE YOU TO
KINDLY GIVE ME A TEST OF THE INFORMATION ON HOW YOU WANT THE GUARANTEE
TO LOOK LIKE SO THAT I WILL SEND IT TO YOU.
WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Dear Mr. David:
Your guarantee should state the following:
"As God is my witness, I William David, being of sound mind
albeit very slow on the uptake, swear on stacks of Bibles, Books
of Mormon, the Torah, the Koran, the Veda, old copies of The Watchtower,
L. Ron Hubbard pamphlets, remnants of parchment and any other
available religious materials that no concrete was used in the
packaging of the money."
Once you type this word-for-word as it is written you will promptly
e-mail it back to me. Absolutely no copying and pasting is permitted
because the message must come from your hand to prove your sincerity.
Much appreciated.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
11/12/02 01:48PM >>>
BRAD CHRISTENSEN,
SIR,
THIS IS THE CONTENT OF THE GUARANTEE AS YOU
DEMANDED.
TODAY BEING THE 12th NOV.2002,I WILLIAM DAVID A CITIZEN OF SOUTH
AFRICA,HEREBY TODAY BEING OF A SOUND MIND ALBEIT VERY SLOW ON
THE
UPTAKE,SWEAR ON THE STACKS OF BIBLE,BOOKS OF MORMON,THE TORAH,THE
KORAN,THE VEDA,OLD COPIES OF THE WATCHTOWER,L.RON HUBBARD PAMPHLETS,REMNANTS
OF PARCHMENT AND ANY OTHER AVAILABLE RELIGIOUS MATERIALS THAT
NO CONCRETE WAS USED IN THE PACKAGING OF THE MONEY IN THE TRUNK
BOXES,GOD IS MY WITNESS.
I HOPE THIS WILL SERVE THE PURPOSE.
URGENTLY EXPECTING TO HEAR FROM YOU ASAP.
WILLIAM.DAVID.
_______________________________
Thank you, Mr. David. Now I am absolutely certain you are telling
the truth about the concrete and being slow on the uptake. I now
am prepared to travel to Amsterdam, book a hotel and consummate
the relationship with Mrs. Louisa Ejaculator Estrada. When shall
I arrive?
All the best,
Brad
_______________________________
>>> "Samuel Johnson" <samjoh1@hotmail.com>
11/20/02 10:38AM >>>
Sir,
I have been directed once more to contact you
with regard to the transaction
with the security company in Amsterdam.
Please confirm if this is okay with you to
enable me prepare the way for
your arrival and further appointment with the security company.
I look forward to reading from you soon.
Johnson
_______________________________
Dear Mr. Johnson and Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
Hallelujah! Happily I have received the written guarantee from
your lawyer, the Bible-, Koran- and Watchtower-thumping William
David, and am ready to fly to Amsterdam to claim the concrete-free
trunks. The soonest I can schedule a flight is this Saturday,
Nov. 23. I pray that this is not too soon for you. Since we do
not know what each other looks like, I have attached a recent
photo of me with my brother Jerry. I am on the left, which is
an extremely rare and very uncomfortable position for me. Can
you reciprocate by sending a photo of yourself?
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
11/21/02 03:32AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
SIR,
COMPLEMENT OF THE DAY.I WISH TO KNOW FROM YOU
WHAT YOU HAVE RESOLVED WITH THE DIPLOMA,FOR HE TOLD ME THAT HE
IS STILL WAITING TO HEAR YOUR DATE OF ARRIVAL TO AMSTERDAM.
MORE IMPORTANTLY,THE COST OF CLEARANCE OF THE
CONSIGNMENT IS INCREASING DUE TO THE OVER STAYED CHARGES THE CONSIGNMENT
IS ACCUMULATING,SO PRESENTLY ITS AT THE TUNE OF $16,750.00 WHICH
DUE TO BE PAID BEFORE THE COLLECTION OF THE CONSIGNMENT.
I WILL BE WAITING TO RECEIVE WORDS FROM YOU
SO THAT WE CAN ROUND THIS
TRANSACTION UP AND GO INTO SOMETHING MORE LUCREATIVE.
YOUR SINCERELY.
WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Dear Mr. David:
Yesterday I informed Samuel Johnson, the diplomat, that I can
take a flight as soon as this weekend. I am awaiting a response
and a photo from him. The flight I am looking at is Delta Airlines
flight 1988/80, which leaves Phoenix at 9:50 a.m. on Saturday,
Nov. 23, and arrives in Amsterdam at 7:45 a.m. on Sunday, Nov.
24.
The early morning arrival will provide sufficient time for church
services and our business dealings. I trust that Mr. Johnson,
whom I am copying on this mail, will be at the airport to receive
me. I also ask Mr. Johnson to immediately locate a reputable Southern
Baptist ministry and to attend services with me there on Sunday.
I realize Mr. Johnson may have not yet been baptized, but we can
take care of that rather rapidly. The procedure is a simple one
and can be a time-saver because it will preclude Mr. Johnson's
need to bathe that morning. I also promise to pack an extra towel
for him.
The consignment charges you speak of seem very reasonable, considering
the amount of money in the trunks. I intend to bring plenty of
cash with me to cover these expenses. Do you or Mr. Johnson have
any hotel recommendations?
Remain blessed, my children,
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "Samuel Johnson" <samjoh1@hotmail.com>
11/21/02 12:43PM >>>
Sir,
I have spoken to the security company regarding
your arrival, they have
fixed a date for you on Friday the 29/11/02 so you have to be
in Amsterdam
on that date they can not attend to us until the above date.
The security company need to send you a fax
please send me your full fax
number to enable the security company contact you to officially
invite you
to their office once i have the number i will forward it to the
security
company and they will contact you, as soon as that happen please
email me
immediately.
Regards,
Johnson
_______________________________
Dear Samuel Johnson, William David and Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
My home fax number is (623) 878-2791. I already have booked a
flight, hallelujah. It is Northwest/Continental Airlines Flight
64, departing Phoenix at 9:25 a.m. on Thursday, Nov. 28, and arriving
in Amsterdam at 6:40 a.m. on Friday, Nov. 29. I then will depart
Amsterdam for Phoenix on Monday at 4:40 p.m. This will give us
plenty of time to take care of business and while attending church
services on all four days I will be in Amsterdam. I trust you
will pick me up at the airport and also accompany me to church
services, Mr. Johnson.
While I do not speak the language, I expect to be invited to
preach to the congregation. You see, Mr. Johnson, salvation is
a universal language that Southern Baptists bestow on all our
brothers, except, of course, Jews, Buddhists, Catholics, Hindus,
Mormons, Democrats, Canadians, Moslems, welfare mothers and all
other non-believers. If there's time, I'll also agree to do a
little faith healing as long as the donations keep rolling in.
As for your baptism, Mr. Johnson, I'll handle that personally
at no additional charge. Glory be, I'll even sign the towel as
a souvenir!
Brother Johnson, there are a few things I need you to take care
of right away: Please e-mail a picture of yourself so I will recognize
you at the airport. Also provide a hotel recommendation immediately
so I can make a reservation. Then locate the nearest Southern
Baptist church and fax me a listing of their services. Finally,
confirm that $25,000 is all the money I will need to bring to
cover all expenses, including security fees, meals for both of
us and the hotel.
Say hallelujah, for soon you will be graced with my presence.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "Louisa Ejercitor Estrada"
<e_stada@rediffmail.com> 11/25/02 07:13AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL,I AM VERY HAPPY HEAR THAT YOU WILL NOW BE
TRAVELLING TO ASMTERDAM THIS WEEK FOR THE FINAL CONCLUSSION OF
THIS TRANSACTION.
PLS. I WILL STILL LIKE YOOU TO INFORM ME A DAY
TO THE DAY YOU WILL
STILL DEPART TO AMSTERDAM.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR KIND ASSISTANCE AND I
PRAY THAT THE
ALMIGHTY GOD WILL BLESS YOU.
MRS.ESTRADA
_______________________________
Dear Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
I have purchased a Northwest/Continental Airlines ticket to Amsterdam.
It is Flight 64 and I am scheduled to arrive at 6:40 a.m. this
Friday, Nov. 29. However, I am wondering if you have the right
people in place on your end. It is beginning to look like you
have hired an incompetent buffoon and a moron or two.
Mr. Johnson still has not e-mailed me a photo of himself. He
also has failed to provide a hotel recommendation and any information
regarding Southern Baptist services in Amsterdam. Mr. David called
twice yesterday, but hung up in the middle of our conversations.
Now this morning I get a faxed document from Atlas Security Services
of Amsterdam in which they have misspelled my first name as "Brat."
Is this supposed to be a joke? The word "brat" means
"a spoiled, bad-mannered child." I will not endure such
insults. I'll have you know that yes, I may be spoiled and bad-mannered,
but at 73 years of age, I'm no child!
I'm just about ready to cancel my flight unless I receive an
immediate apology, information about whether Southern Baptist
services are available, and, most importantly, a photo of your
Johnson.
Good day.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
11/26/02 10:18PM >>>
Brad Christensen,
THANKS FOR THE MAIL,I HAVE FORWARDED THE MAIL
TO SAMUEL JOHNSON,AND IT WILL
BE CORRECTED.ITS A TOPOGRAPHICAL ERROR.
PLS. I AM VERY SORRY SORRY.
WILLIAM.DAVID
_______________________________
Dear Mr. David:
While I still do not understand why you hung up twice on me,
you are absolved of your sins, brother William, and am back in
the Lord's good graces. I still have not heard from Samuel Johnson
regarding his photo, five-star hotel accommodations, and Southern
Baptist services. I can reserve a hotel room on-line, but I'd
appreciate Johnson's assistance in locating Baptist services.
I need his photo as well so I can recognize him when I arrive.
Otherwise I will need to request identification and have everybody
at the airport pull out their Johnson.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
Dear William David, Samuel Johnson and Louisa Ejaculator Estrada:
I have decided to board the airplane this morning, despite Mr.
Johnson's inability to communicate, and will be arriving in Amsterdam
at 6:40 a.m. on Friday, Nov. 29. It is Northwest/Continental Airlines
Flight 64. I will be staying at the 5-Star Hilton Amsterdam Airport
Hotel, Herbergierstraat 1, 1118 Ca Holland, NL. This hotel offers
secretarial staff and hairdresser services, both of which will
be useful to me. By the way, I am bringing my laptop and the e-mail
address for it is bradchristensen@cox.net.
I am bringing $25,000 in cash with me and am very much looking
forward to what promises to be a grand business association for
us all, followed by inspiring worship services on Sunday.
Unfortunately I have been unable to locate any Southern Baptist
services in Amsterdam - such a shame. However, in an internet
search I found a nice little Russian Orthodox Church called St.
of Myra at Kerkstraat 342 1017 JA. The preacher there is Sergi
Ovsiannikov, whom I am cc'ing on this e-mail. Sergi: Please expect
me for your Sunday services. I will not take up too much time,
but I expect to be granted the opportunity to preach my brand
of fire and brimstone to your congregation. Also, I would like
at that time to baptize Mr. Johnson, and I have brought a special
towel for those purposes. I will require only a small stipend
of $2,000 from you for my services, which I assure you will be
well received and prompt many donations. In return, I will give
out free miniature bibles and National Rifle Association decals.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "jim forest" <JHForest@cs.com>
11/29/02 1:16AM >>>
Dear Brad Christensen:
The priest of our parish, Father Sergei Ovsiannikov,
has passed on your letter to me for response.
While you are most welcome to visit our parish,
St. Nicholas of Myra (not St. Myra) Russian Orthodox Church, there
is no possibility of performing a baptism or preaching.
The Liturgy is chiefly in Church Slavonic on
the first Sunday of the month -- this Sunday -- so bear in mind
that you would have great difficulty in understanding the words.
The second Sunday of the month the Liturgy is mainly in Dutch.
Also we stand during the Liturgy, which (as
the service normally lasts about two hours) can be tiring for
those not used to it.
I have the impression from your letter that
you know very little about the Orthodox Church. If you want to
know more, a good basic introduction is provided by Timothy Ware's
book, "The Orthodox Church," published by Penguin.
There are Sunday Protestant services in English
in several locations Amsterdam. For information contact the Amsterdam
Council of Churches (Prins Hendriklaan 16, 1075 BC Amsterdam;
telephone 020: 675-54 92).
In Christ's peace,
Jim Forest
_______________________________
Dear Louisa Ejaculator Estrada, William David, Samuel Johnson
and Father Sergei Ovsiannikov (through Jim Forest):
I am in Amsterdam now and very confused and unhappy about the
failure of Brother Samuel Johnson to connect with me a the airport.
There were many people there, but no Johnson could be spotted
in the crowd, even after close inspection. Your Johnson must be
extremely short. I am at Hilton Amsterdam Hotel now, which is
near the airport. Please contact me immediately via phone or e-mail
at bradchristensen@cox.net so I can pay the security fee and claim
the trunk boxes. If I am not at the hotel, I will be at the St.
Nicholas of Myra Church convincing Father Ovsiannikov of the necessity
in performing services at his fine church. I will even reduce
my standard preaching rate to $1,500.
Brother Forest, I do thank you for your response on behalf of
Father Ovsiannikov. However, you must understand that language
barriers are no barriers at all when it comes to worshipping the
almighty. The good Lord may be a Southern Baptist, but he does
recognize and accept converts, especially those with healthy checking
accounts, weak minds and generous hearts.
My sermons seek to inspire. I espouse a kinder, gentler fire and
brimstone message. Not an eye for an eye, but rather a big toe
for an eye. And I truly believe that if you give a man a fish
he will eat for a day, but if you teach him to fish, he will sit
in a boat and drink beer all day. Hallelujah, these are the words
of universal brotherhood, love and wisdom I intend to impart to
your congregation. I am attaching a photo of myself so you will
recognize me when I arrive early Sunday morning.
Brother Brad Christensen
_______________________________
From: william.david <william.david@quickhosts.com>
Sent: Friday, November 29, 2002 2:09 PM
Subject: CALL SAMUEL JOHNSON
Brad christensen,
I AM HAPPY TO HEAR THAT YOU ARRIVED SAFELY,I
WOUNDER ALOUD WHY SAMUEL
JOHNSON HAS NOT REACHED YOU TILL THIS MOMENT,BUT I WILL ADVICE
YOU TO TRY
AND CALL HIM OVER THE PHONE.
MORESO,WHY WOULD YOU BE DISCLOSING OUR TRANSACTION
TO THE PASTOR OR
WHOMEVER YOU CALL HIS NAME IN AMSTERDAM,MADAM HERSELF IS NOT EVEN
HAPPY ABOUT THIS.
THIS TRANSACTION IS SURPOSED TO BE VERY CONFIDENTIAL.
I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU BEFORE I WILL KNOW THE NEXT THING TO DO.
WILLIAM.DAVID
_______________________________
Dear Brother David, Mr. Johnson, Mrs. Estrada, and Father Ovsiannikov:
I do not have Mr. Johnson's phone number, and I am wondering
if he really exists. I really believe that Mrs. Estrada should
fire Mr. Johnson for complete dereliction of his duties. Any person
off the street, including a homeless wino, would do a better job
than Mr. Jonhson has. I pray that this Mr. Johnson of yours will
stop drinking long enough to attend to his responsibilities. I
depend on him to connect me with Atlas Security Co. on Monday.
Regarding Father Sergei Ovsiannikov, you need not worry because
he is a man of the cloth. He accepts all business relationships
and religious proverbs and understands that foolish man gives
his wife a grand piano, while a wise man gives an upright organ.
Please ensure that this Johnson of yours contacts me before Monday,
or I shall return to the United States.
Brother Brad
_______________________________
Dear Mr. David, Mrs Estrada and Johnson:
Monday is almost here, Atlas Security Company will be open, and
still Samuel Johnson has not contacted me at the Hilton Amsterdam
hotel or at the very inhospitable St. Myra Russian Orthodox Church.
I am totally amazed at Johnson's failure to rise up and be noticed
at the airport and his inability to pay attention to important
business matters affecting us all. I have travelled all the way
from the USA with $25,000 and now Johnson won't lift a finger
to give me a call. I do not have Johnson's phone number and am
totally dependent on him calling me so we can conclude business
before my flight back to the USA on Wednesday.
My stay here has not been a happy one. This morning, at St. Myra's,
I finally broke through the language barrier with Father Sergi
Ovsiannikov and by holding his arm firmly behind his back and
applying upward pressure I convinced him to allow me to preach
to his congregation. Let me tell you, they are not exactly a flock
of angels! I began by preaching these important lessons in life
about differences in perspective:
- A man who runs in front of a car gets tired, but the one who
runs behind gets exhausted.
- A person who lives in a glass house should change clothes in
the basement.
- A crowded elevator smells different to a midget.
Unfortunately several parishioners took offense and returned their
miniature Bibles and NRA decals by throwing them at me. Thankfully
most in the congregation had already fallen asleep, enabling me
to escape relatively unscathed.
Please do your best to have Johnson contact me at the hotel immediately.
_______________________________
From: Louisa Ejercitor Estrada <e_stada@rediffmail.com>
Sent: Monday, December 02, 2002 2:46 PM
Subject: Re: WHERE IS YOUR JOHNSON?!!!
Brad christensen
MY DEAR
I AM VERY SORRY FOR ALL THIS INCONVENIENCIESI
HAVE INSTRUCTED MY
LAWYER TO SEE WHAT HE CAN DO ABOUT THISBUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT
HE
NEEDED SOME TIME TO BE IN AMSTERDAM DUE TO THE FACT THAT IS WIFE
IS VERY HEAVY AND HE SAID HE CAN NOT AFFORD TO TRAVEL UNTILL SHE
PUT TO BED SINCE THE DOCTORS HAVE GIVEN HER DATE BEING NEXT
WEEK.
PLS. ONCE THE LAWYER PUT THINGS IN ORDER I WILL LET YOU KNOWHOWEVER
BE INFORMED THAT ALL YOUR EXPENSES SHALL BE REFUNDED BACK TO YOU
AFTER THIS TRANSACTION.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.
MRS.ESTRADA
_______________________________
Dear Louisa Ejaculator Estrada, William David and the invisible
Johnson:
I have returned to Arizona after a totally frustrating and useless
trip.
You say that Samuel Johnson failed to show up in Amsterdam because
his wife is "very heavy." I suppose that means she sat
on him. But for four days? That is hard for me to believe. You
also speak of putting Mrs. Johnson to bed, as if that were a real
chore. Do they need a crane or something for that? I recommend
Mrs. Johnson immediately waddle to the nearest weight-reduction
clinic. I also suggest that Mr. Johnson invest in some pepper
spray and a baseball bat to keep her at a safe distance.
After re-reading your e-mail, it seems possible that Mrs. Johnson
simply may have been pregnant and very near her delivery date.
I doubt this, though, considering the inadequacies of Samuel's
Johnson.
Please contact me the moment you find a responsible business
associate who will guarantee to meet me in Amsterdam. I am tired
of the tall tales and false promises of Mr. Johnson and am looking
forward to dealing with somebody who can keep their word.
Until then I remain Brother Brad
_______________________________
From: Samuel Johnson <samjoh1@hotmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, December 04, 2002 5:40 AM
Subject: Re: WHERE IS YOUR JOHNSON?!!!. I am here.
Brad,
I think you are fucked up in your head and
crazy. please stop insulting
me.
I am no longer interested in your business
and i will advice the parties
concern to stop contacting you because you can not be trusted.
Johnson
_______________________________
Dear Mr. Johnson:
I liked you better when you were invisible, and so did God. Such
a filthy mouth you have, using the "F" word when corresponding
with a preacher. I pray for your salvation, Brother Johnson. I
understand you have been under intense pressure and all, with
your behemoth wife sitting on you for four days, but please don't
take it out on me!
Mrs. Estrada and Mr. David: I remain intensely interested in
our business opportunity and am ready to fly to Amsterdam as soon
as you find somebody to replace God-hating Johnson who is reliable,
truthful and unafraid of baptism.
Brother Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "Samuel Johnson" <samjoh1@hotmail.com>
12/07/02 04:42AM >>>
I do not think you are what you say you are,
please give your life to God
for your sole need help and need God in you.
Johnson
_______________________________
Dear Johnson:
Now Samuel, how in the world did you know the bottoms of my shoes
are wearing out? Sometimes you amaze me. As for the rest of your
brief message, it makes no sense at all. I suspect it was your
head that your enormous wife sat on, popping a great many brain
cells in the process. Your relationship with your wife would greatly
improve if you prayed together and made two purchases (see attached
photos). One would be affixed to you and the other to your wife.
I remain extremely interested in Mrs. Estrada's business deal,
but I refuse to involve myself with an undependable moron like
yourself. Your wife could stand in for you, but she'd have to
agree not to sit on anybody. Can you ask her if these conditions
are acceptable?
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
12/11/02 11:34AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
SIR,
COMPLEMENT OF THE DAY,I AM VERY SORRY FOR WHAT
HAPPENED IN AMSTERDAM,I
REALLY FELT EMBARRASSED,BUT ALL THE SAME WE HAVE KNOWN THE COURSE
OF IT ALL.
HOWEVER,MY WIFE JUST PUT TO BED A BOUNCING
BABY BOY,SO KINDLY HELP ME TO
THANK THE ALMIGHTY GOD WHO MADE IT POSSIBLE FOR HER TO PUT TO
BED WITHOUT
ANY PROBLEM.
CONCERNING THE BUSINESS THAT HAVE AT HAND,ITS
JUST LATE THAT IT CAME TO MY
NOTICED THAT MR JOHNSON HAD A DIFFERENT PLANS ALL TOGETHER,TO
CLAIM THE
CONSIGNMENT WITH ONE LENANESS BASED IN CANADA,BUT UNFORTUNATELY
FOR HIM THE SECURITY COMPNAY NOTIFIED ME ABOUT THE SUDDEN CHANGE
WHICH PROMPTED ME TO QUICKLY RUSH DOWN TO AMSTERDAM ON THURSDAY
LAST WEEK TO DO SOME FAST ARRANGEMENT.
SO NOW I AM ARRANGING FOR THE CONSIGNMENT TO
BE DELIVERED TO YOU IN AMERICA
THROUGH A DIPLOMATIC CARGO,RATHER THAN YOU COMING DOWN TO AMSTERDAM
AGAIN.PLS. IF YOU ARE STILL INTERESTED TO ROUND UP THIS TRANSACTION
WITH US
KINDLY INFORM US ASAP SO THAT WE CAN START UP WITH THIS NEW ARRANGEMENT
AND ALSO YOU SHOULD DESIST FROM COMMUNICATING WITH MR SAMUEL
JOHNSON
FOR HE IS NOT AWARE OF THIS DEVELOPMENT.
I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
CHEERS AND I WISH YOU A MERY EXMAS AND A WONDERFUL
NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE.
BARR:WILLIAM.DAVID
_______________________________
Dear Brother David:
Hallelujah. Praise be to God, for you have seen the light and
dispensed with that lunatic moron Johnson and the behemoth monstrosity
he calls a wife. As you know, I conduct all of my business affairs
face-to-face. Therefore, somebody must take Johnson's place and
deliver the consignment to me in America. That would be you, wouldn't
it?
By the way, congratulations, Brother David, to you and your wife.
Have you baptized the little tyke as a Southern Baptist yet? Please
bring him along to America. I will perform the ceremony and also
permanently affix the proper-sized National Rifle Association
decal to his backside. Hallelujah!
Be sure to give me adequate notice of your arrival date so I
can make all the necessary preparations, including the summoning
of Brother Joe Arpaio for the greeting party. Meantime, Brother
David, always remember that you are unique - just like everyone
else. Also remember that if you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of car payments.
Hallelujah, these are the words of Brother Brad.
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
12/13/02 06:11AM >>>
MERY EXMAS
Brad Christensen,
SIR,
I HAVE FINALLY CONCLUDED THE ARRAMGEMENT REGARDING THE SHIPMENT
OF THE
CONSIGNMENT TO YOU IN AMERICA,BUT NOW I WILL NEED YOUR ADDRESS.
THIS WILL ENABLE ME TO DO DOCUMENTATION PERFECTLY,AND
I WILL THEN FLY DOWN
TWO DAYS BEFORE THE ARRIVAL OF THE CONSIGNMENT,I CALLED TO SPEAK
WITH
YOU,BUT YOU WERE NOT ON LINE.
I WILL STILL CALL LATER TONIGHT TO HAVE A
WORD WITH BEFORE I WILL FLY DOWN
TO AMSTERDAM FOR SEAL UP THIS ARRANGEMENT.
BEST REGARDS.
WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Dear Brother William:
This is wonderful news. Good work, William. The address for your
shipment of the trunk boxes is listed below, underneath my name.
When should I expect to fly to Amsterdam to meet you? Or will
you come to America for me to baptize your new child? Also, thank
you for wishing me a Mery Exmas. Likewise to you, and also have
a Hapy Gnu Yeer.
Brother Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
12/14/02 11:39AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
SIR,
I AM IN RECEIPT OF YOUR ADDRESS,AND THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOU
TO FLY TO
AMSTERDAM,RATHER I WILL BE COMING DOWN TO AMERICA.
THERE IS NOE MORE THING LEFT NOW,WE HAVE TO
SETTLE BOTH THE COST OF SHIPMENT AND THE OUTSTANDING WHICH IS
TOTALED AT THE TUNE OF $36.150.00 AND THIS HAS TO BE PAID IN FULL
BEFORE THE SHIPMENT.
HOWEVER,I AM MAKING AN ARRANGEMENT FOR SOME
MONEY,BUT I KNOW VERY WELL THAT ITS NOT GOING TO BE ENOUGH SO
I WANT TO SEEK FOR YOUR KIND ASSISTANCE.SO THAT THIS CONSIGNMENT
CAN LEAVE BY FRIDAY NEXT WEEK TO ARRIVE THE US. ON SUNDAY NIGHT,WHILE
I WILL LEAVE FOR AMERICA SAME DAY.
NOTE THAT ALL YOUR EXPENSES SHALL BE REFUNDED
BACK TO YOU IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE COLLECTION OF THE CONSIGNMENT
BY YOU,FURTHER BE INFORMED THAT THE SHIPMENT IS GOING TO BE ON
YOUR NAME.EXPECTING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOONEST.
BEST REGARDS.
WILLIAM.DAVID
_______________________________
Dear Brother William:
The cost of shipping is no problem. I can easily raise that amount
from my congregation with only a half hour of preaching at the
next gun show, hallelujah! However, I only conduct business matters
face-to-face. Therefore, I must meet you or one of your business
associates first, either here in America or anywhere in the world.
I will leave it up to you to determine the location. Travel is
no problem for me when it concerns such a fantastic business opportunity.
Take note, Brother William, that the journey of a thousand miles
begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire, so please respond
promptly with your choice of meeting locations. And always remember
that if at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Hallelujah, these are the words of Brother Brad.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
12/18/02 03:47AM >>>
BRAD CHRISTENSEN,
COMPLEMENT,I HAVE TRIED TO REACH MY FRIEND IN LONDON AS I TOLD
YOU,BUT HE
PROMISED TO RAISE THE MONEY FOR ME SECOND WEEK OF JAN,2003.SO
I WILL LIKE
YOU ARRANGE,SO THAT WE CAN MEET BY THEN.I WILL STILL TRY TO GIVE
YOU A CALL.
GOD BLESS YOU.
WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Hallelujah, Brother William.
This is good news indeed and proof that the spirit of the mighty
Jerry Falwell is watching over us. I will begin planning immediately
for the trip to London for the consummation of our business transaction
and the salvation of your friend from the heathen forms of Christianity
they preach in the United Kingdom. Please keep me updated throughout
the holiday season. And stay safe with the knowledge that Jerry,
our protector, sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're
awake. So be good, for goodness sake! These are the words of Brother
Brad.
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
12/19/02 12:08AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
I APPRECIATE YOUR MAIL,BUT MIND YOU WE ARE
TO MEET IN SPAIN NOT LONDON,FOR I
HAVE MOVED THE CONSIGNMENT TO SPAIN FOR SECURITY REASON SO WE
ARE TO MEET IN SPAIN,INSTEAD OF LONDON.
I WILL FURNISH YOU WITH DETAILS,WHEN THE ARRANGEMENT
IS READY.
GOD BLESS YOU.
WILLIAM
_______________________________
Dear Brother William:
Spain will be fine, and in fact is preferred. Unlike London,
the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain. I will begin preparing
today for the trip and for the conversion of a great many Catholics.
As you may know, Brother William, the Holy Book clearly indicates,
by its frequent references to the people of my flock, that Southern
Baptists belong to the one true faith. For example, the Gospel
of Bubba, Psalm 46 states: "Two Mississippians meet on the
street and one says, 'Hey, Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?"
"Jes' some chickens, Billy Bob." "Well, if I guesses
how many they is, kin I have one?" "Shoot, Billy Bob,
if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of 'em." "Ummmmmmm,
I guesses five."
These are the words of Brother Brad.
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
12/27/02 01:45AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
DEAR BROTHER,
COMPLEMENT OF THE WONDERFUL SEASON, WHO IS YOUR
FAMILY?,HOPE ALL IS
WELL WITH YOU IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS. I WRITE TO INFORM
YOU
THAT WE ARE TO MEET IN SPAIN BY JAN.03 WITHIN END OF FIRST WEEK
OR
SECOND WEEK.
I WILL BE EXPECTING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.
CHEERS
WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Hallelujah, Brother William!
Please let me know exactly when and where I should arrive in
Spain. Would that be Madrid? Remember that I will need at least
four days to finalize our business deal and also convert all the
Catholics into Southern Baptists. I intend to call on them to
cast aside the shameful sexual sins of their priests in favor
of traveling down the one true path of inbreeding. Should they
take this glorious route, they can rest assured all children of
other families will be free from sexual abuse. Hallelujah!
Let me close with the words of one of the brightest lights of
my flock, Miss Alabama of 1994. She was asked during the Miss
USA Contest if she would want to live forever. Here is her actual
response: "I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then
we would live forever. But we cannot live forever, which is why
I would not live forever." Hallelujah! Such insights on the
finite nature of our time here on Earth and our eventual entrance
into the Kingdom of Heaven! Unfortunately Miss Alabama was talking
way over the judges' heads because they chose some heathen from
up North.
Hallelujah, these are the words of Brother Brad.
_______________________________
>>> "magnum trust" <magnumtrust@madrid.com>
01/04/03 07:48 AM >>>
Subject: NOTIFICATION OF CONSIGNMENT
DEAR SIR,
WE HAVE SENT YOU A FAX TO 623 878 2791 TODAY
NOTIFYING YOU OFFICIALLY THAT
OUR COMPANY IS PRESENTLY IN POSSESION OF A CONSIGNMENT WHICH
HAS GOT YOUR
NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY.
PLEASE MAKE HASTE TO CHECK ON YOUR FAX AND
LET US KNOW THAT IT IS RECIEVED
AND CLEAR AS IT CONTAINS WHAT WE REQUIRE FROM YOU TO AS SOON
AS POSSIBLE
COME TO CLAIM THE CONSIGNMENT.
WE LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR RESPONSE.
YOUR TRUELY
PAUL WILLIAMSON
for: MAGNUM TRUST, MADRID
_______________________________
Hallelujah, Brother William:
Thank you for your call yesterday. It was an honor speaking with
you about my upcoming trip to Madrid. I consent to your request
to conduct business relating to the trunks prior to my other priority.
That is, of course, the conversion of Catholics away from the
sins of their sexual-deviant priests toward the puritanistic path
of inbreeding that Southern Baptists offer. I do expect you and
your associates to assist me in my conversion efforts, however.
I hear there are quite a few Catholics in Spain and therefore
will require some help.
As you can see below, I have received an e-mail from Magnum Trust
and will be checking the fax machine later. I already have scheduled
a flight. I will be leaving Phoenix on Jan. 7 and arriving in
Madrid at 7 a.m. on Wednesday, Jan. 8. It is Delta Airlines Flight
126. As you suggested, I am bringing more than $32,000 in cash
and a suitcase of National Rifle Association decals. Can you arrange
to have somebody meet me at the airport? The money and decals
are surprisingly bulky and I will need help transporting them
to the Hotel Husa Princesa, where I have secured a room on the
9th floor.
Always remember, Brother William, to yield to temptation because
it may not pass your way again. And not one shred of evidence
supports the notion that life is serious. Hallelujah, these are
the words of Brother Brad.
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
01/06/03 02:32 AM >>>
Subject: KINF APPRECIATION
Brad christensen,
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL.
I WILL LIKE YOU TO KINDLY WRITE TO MR PUAL WILLIAMSON AND INFORM
HIM THAT
YOU ARE COMING ON THE THE 7TH JAN TO ARRIVE ON THE 8TH JAN 03.
ALSO REQUEST THAT HE SHOULD ASSIST TO PICK YOU UP AT THE AIRPORT
OR BETTER
STILL GIVE HIM YOUR HOTEL DETAILS,THAT IS YOUR ROOM NUMBER AND
SO ON.
I WILL CAL YOU LATER,PLS. YOU MUST START MAKING
IT PUBLIC THAT YOU ARE
COMING DOWN WITH $32,000.00 FOR OUR OWN SECURITY.
BYE FOR NOW,TILL WE SPEAK ON THE PHONE.
BEST REGARDS.
WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Hallelujah, Brother William:
As I mentioned when you called today, Paul Williamson of Magnum
Trust Securities called earlier and agreed to send somebody to
the Madrid airport to pick me up at 7 a.m. on Wednesday when I
arrive on Delta Air Lines flight 126. Brother Paul seemed extremely
surprised to hear I was bringing $32,000 in cash with me. He said
he was only expecting the $21,075 for his securities fees and
was very happy that I also was bringing $10,000 in cash for you,
Brother William.
He asked me not to mention the $10,000 to anyone else I meet
in Madrid, including any of his business partners. Although he
assured me he would forward the money to you in Africa, I would
rather have you here as my attorney to advise me and look after
our interests. What is the soonest you could travel to Madrid
to assist us?
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
01/07/03 03:31AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
THANKS FOR YOUR MAIL,I AM WORKING OUT THE POSIBILITIES
OF BEING IN MADRID ON
THURSDAY.
I WILL BE LEAVING BY THE GRACE OF GOD ALMIGHTY
ON WENESDAY NIGHT TO ARRIVE
ON THURSDAY,BUT ONCE YOU ARRIVE CARRY ON THE ENTIRE ACTIVITY
WITH MR PUAL
WILLIAMSON HE IS A VERY GOOD FRIEND FROM THE SAME COUNTRY AND
VERY TRUSTED
PERSON,YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH HIM,ALSO MAKE AVAILABLE
YOUR
HOTEL PHONE NUMBER ONCE YOU ARRIVE TO MADRI TO ME.
THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU.
WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Hallelujah, Brother William:
I am packed and ready to board the airplane for Madrid. I must
confess that I am very uncomfortable dealing with Paul Williamson.
He seemed interested in keeping all of my money for himself and
not at all interested in the Southern Baptist faith or the NRA.
I would much rather give you the business. It is you, not Paul,
who made the all-religious-materials pledge to me about the money
not being mixed with concrete. Please do whatever you can to arrive
in Madrid on Wednesday. You are my trusted attorney and I absolutely
require legal representation to handle the complexities of this
transaction. I fear we may have another Johnson in our hands just
like the wasted trip to Amsterdam.
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
01/08/03 04:14AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
DEAR BROTHER,
I JUST RECEIVED MAIL FROM PUAL WILLIAMSON THAT
YOU DID NOT ARRIVE AS
PLANNED.
I HAVE CONCLUDED TO BE IN MADRID THIS NIGHT,SO
KINDLY TELL ME THE POSITION
OF THINGS,SO THAT I WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO.
BEST REGARDS.
WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Brother William:
I am in Madrid now, responding on my laptop. I was picked up
at the airport by one of Paul Williamson's assistants and brought
to the Hotel Husa Princesa. I have talked to Paul already and
am scheduled to meet him shortly. He seemed insistent on finalizing
the deal today, which is fine with me because it will provide
me with more time to convert Catholics into Southern Baptists.
I am surprised Paul said I had not arrived. Possibly the assistant
who picked me up at the airport did not inform him in a timely
fashion. The only other possibility is that Paul is not dealing
squarely with either you or me. I will find out when I meet him.
Brad Christensen
_______________________________
>>> "magnum trust" <magnumtrust@madrid.com>
01/08/03 12:08 AM >>>
Subject: WHERE ARE YOU SIR?
DEAR MR. BRAD,
WE SENT SOMEONE TO PICK YOU AT THE AIRPORT AND
HE COULD NOT LOCATE YOU.
AND YOUR ATTORNEY HAS CALLED US SAYING THAT
YOU ARE IN MADRID AND WAS ABOUT MEETING WITH US, THIS IS SUPRISING
TO US AS WE ARE NOT SURE WHAT IS HAPPENING.
I PERSONALLY HAVE CALLED THE HOTEL SEVERALLY
TODAY TO LOOK FOR YOU AND INITIALLY THEY TOLD ME THAT YOU HAVE
CANCELLED THE RESERVATION AND THAT YOU DID NOT CHECK IN.
PLEASE WHERE ARE YOU? IF YOU ARE IN MADRID,
PLEASE CALL 658 612 505 THATS OUR NUMBER SO THAT WE CAN LOCATE
YOU.
PLEASE DO NOT TRABSACT ANY BUSINESS WITH ANYBODY.
I AWAIT YOUR RESPONSE.
YOURS TRUELY
PAUL WILLIAMSON
for: MAGNUM TRUST, MADRID.
_______________________________
Note that Brad only
is sending e-mails to Brother William
while ignoring Brother Paul entirely.
_______________________________
Hallelujah, Brother William:
Paul Williamson is an extremely fine gentleman. He has erased
all the fears I had about this business and has personally guaranteed
in writing that you will receive your $10,000 when you arrive.
Therefore I have finalized the deal by signing all the required
papers and by paying the entire $31,075 to Paul. He says my share
of the money from the trunk boxes will automatically be transferred
to my bank account within five days. He said that is the normal
bank processing time for the paperwork. By then I will be back
in the United States planning to greatly expand my church facilities
and personal firearms collection.
I plan to start celebrating here in Madrid by bringing the Southern
Baptist doctrine of good will to some and NRA decals for all to
the nearest Catholic Church. Wish me luck and please immediately
come to the Hotel Husa Princesa when you arrive.
Hallelujah, these are the words of Brother Brad.
_______________________________
>>> "magnum trust" <magnumtrust@madrid.com>
01/08/03 12:08 AM >>>
Subject: PLEASE WHAT IS HAPPENING
DEAR MR BRAD,
I AM CONFUSED TOGETHER WITH MY COLLEAGUES,
PLEASE WHERE ARE YOU AND WHO ARE YOU DEALING WITH,
YOUR ATTORNEY HAS BEEN CALLING ME AND ASKING
OF YOU. PLEASE CALL MY NUMBER 658 612 505 IMMEDIATELY YOU RECIEVE
THIS MAIL.
YOUR TRUELY
PAUL WILLIAMSON
for: MAGNUM TRUST, MADRID.
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
01/08/03 10:48AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.
I JUST SPOKE WITH PUAL WILLIAMSON AND HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAS
NOT HARD ANY
WORD WITH YOU.
SO IF YOU HAVE GIVEN MONEY TO ANYBODY AM AFRAID
YOU HAVE GIVEN MONEY TO THE WRONG PERSON,WHERE ARE YOU INMADRID
CAN YOU GIVE ME THE PHONE NUMBER SO THAT I CAN CALL TO TALK TO
YOU.
THANKS.
WILLIAM DAVID.
_______________________________
Brother William:
Paul Williamson must be kidding you. I am sure I gave the $31,075
to the correct Paul Williamson because he showed me his identification
and our business was conducted through Magnum Trust Securities,
Inc. The phone number of the Paul Williamson I have been dealing
with is 34-658-612-505 at Magnum Trust Securities. I suggest you
give him a call because he owes you $10,000. Good thing the motto
of Magnum Trust is "We keep our promises."
I am in the process of changing hotels. The parishioners of Saint
Ignatious the Loquacious Church became quite upset when I tried
to spread the Word of Bubba. They chased me out of the church
and down the street to the Hotel Husa Princesa. Some are still
outside and several have sticks and rocks. I have packed and will
be departing in a moment through Husa Princesa's back door. When
I relocate in another hotel, I'll e-mail you all the particulars.
These are the words of Brother Brad.
_______________________________
Brother William:
I have just checked into the Hotel Ritz Madrid. It is a fine
and very safe hotel, but I am cautious to avoid disclosing my
location to the angry Catholics who've been searching for me.
Therefore I have registered under another name and have asked
the hotel personnel to refer calls to me only if the caller states
the correct password. Today's password is "carp." The
hotel can be reached at (34-91) 701-6776. Do not forget the password
and call within the next few minutes. I'm exhausted and ready
for bed. By the way, have you straightened out that matter with
Paul Williamson or is he still kidding you?
Should you arrive in Madrid tonight, take a taxi to the hotel
at Plaza de la Lealtad 5.
I am in a regular room now, but when you get here, I plan to
upgrade to a suite. The food is marvelous and the hotel is
right across
the street from the wonderful Prado Museum. This is luxury
living, my brother. Even the linen sheets are embroidered. I
am awaiting
your call.
Hallelujah, these are the words of Brother Brad.
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
01/09/03 05:41AM >>>
BRAD,
I HAVE ARRIVED SPAIN AND HAVE TRIED TO CALL
THE NUMBER YOU GAVE ME WHICH IS
34-91 701-6776,AND IT ENTERED A FAX MACHINE,I HAVE EVEN CALLED
THEIR OTHER
NUMBER WHICH IS 34915212857 AND THE OPERATOR TOLD ME THAT THEY
ARE NOT
HAVEING ANY NAME LIKE YOURS IN THEIR REGISTER.
PLS. COULD YOU GIVE THE NAME YOU REGISTERED
WITH AND I WILL LIKE YOU TO CALL
ME ON PUAL WILLIAMSON NUMBER,I AM NOW WITH HIM AND HE IS STILL
TELLING ME
THAT HE HAS NOT SEEN YOU AND DID NOT COLLECT ANY MONEY FROM YOU.
I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOUR CALL AND MAIL.
THANKS.
WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Hallelujah Brother William:
Welcome to Madrid. I mentioned before that I did not register
under my own name because the irate Catholics were searching for
me. I have registered under a different name and am using a password
that I change daily. I am using the name "Besame Elculo"
and today's password is "Gilipollas." When you come
to the Hotel Ritz Madrid at Plaza de la Lealtad 5, go to the front
desk and first say "Besame Elculo" and then say "Gilipollas."
The friendly and attentive staff has been instructed to then immediately
provide you with my room number. I shall await your arrival.
This all reminds me of Psalm 11 from the Books of Bubba, in which
Ida Mae is near death and Bubba calls 911. The operator asks Bubba
where Ida Mae lives. "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive,"
replies Bubba. "Can you spell that for me?" asks the
operator. After a pause, Bubba responds, "How bout I drag
her to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
Hallelujah, these are the words of Brother Brad.
Brother Brad informs our non-Spanish-speaking
readers that "besame el culo" means "kiss my ass" and
"gilipollas" means "dickhead."
_______________________________
>>> "william.david" <william.david@quickhosts.com>
01/10/03 04:05AM >>>
Brad Christensen,
I CALLED RITZ AND I WAS TOLD THAT THERE IS
NO SUCH NAME AND MORE WHY WILL
YOU USE SUCH THING FOR YOUR NAME.
I WILL BE GOING BACK TO SOUTH AFRICA THIS
NIGHT,SO IF YOU REALLY WANT US TO
MEET,TRY TO CALL PUAL WILLIAMSON NUMBER SO THAT WE CAN ARRANGE
ON HOW TO
MEET.
THANKS.
WILLIAM DAVID
_______________________________
Brother William:
It is the people at the front desk who have been informed of
my code name and password, not their phone operator! You need
to stop being silly, come to the Hotel Ritz and follow my instructions.
You ask why I would use such a name. Well, I don't speak Spanish,
so I got the code name and password from a nice little note a
waitress wrote on my luncheon receipt. I had been spreading the
Word of Bubba to her and believe she was taking a genuine liking
to me. Today's password is "cabron," also from the waitress.
So when you arrive, please say, "Besame Elculo" and
then "cabron." By the way, has Paul Williamson paid
you your $10,000 yet? I hope so because it is time to stop kidding
about that.
These are the words of Brother Brad.
Brother Brad's waitress informs us
that "cabron" means "f- - -ing bastard."
