Walter Lunsford

[Cathulhu]

My own Miss Cathulhu, whose name I appropriated when I went online (because it's cooler than my own, but most of my cats have interesting names, e.g. Refrigerator Door Opening) recently grew whiskers on each of her front wrists. I think she's evolving to take over the cosmos. Why limit yourself to just the world?

[Evil Squirrel Overlord]

Personal safety is my greatest concern so it should come as no surprise that I'm currently replacing all five appendages with guns. (Yes, THAT one too.) Still haven't figured out how to eat without shooting myself in the face, or pee without destroying the toilet. -- We'll call those "growing pains". Speaking of which, does anyone know how to get porcelain shards out of a femur?

[The Operative]

Personal safety is my greatest concern so it should come as no surprise that I'm currently replacing all five appendages with guns. (Yes, THAT one too.) Still haven't figured out how to eat without shooting myself in the face, or pee without destroying the toilet. -- We'll call those "growing pains". Speaking of which, does anyone know how to get porcelain shards out of a femur?

You are leaving your backside completely unprotected. You need to install the flame thrower in your arse.

[bmielke]

Speaking of which, does anyone know how to get porcelain shards out of a femur?

Ok you need an exacto knife, a bottle of whiskey, tweezers, sewing needle, thread, and a lighter.

Now drink the bottle of Whiskey

Then when you wake up your wife or other family member should have removed them for you. If not try the emergency room.

[webhick]

Personal safety is my greatest concern so it should come as no surprise that I'm currently replacing all five appendages with guns. (Yes, THAT one too.) Still haven't figured out how to eat without shooting myself in the face, or pee without destroying the toilet. -- We'll call those "growing pains". Speaking of which, does anyone know how to get porcelain shards out of a femur?

Not a good idea to replace the fifth appendage with a firearm. It has a tendency to fire too soon and then you can't get it to reload and then your target starts to take it personally and cheats on you with your neighbor's shotgun.

Not that it's ever happened to one of my interns or anything.

[Famspear]

Here's an update on what happened to Walter Lunsford. He was found guilty in state court in Indiana, but was given "home detention." This is an excerpt from a news report, from two years ago:

Indianapolis - A government protestor, facing up to 10 years in prison on fraud and theft charges for using Federal Reserve accounts to purchase cars, won't spend another night behind bars.

Instead, Walter Eugene Lunsford was sentenced to home detention and it turns out he could hold the key to future prosecutions.

The 70-year-old Lunsford broke down in court, admitting through tears he made mistakes by illegally using routing numbers from the Federal Reserve to buy cars. Convicted of eight counts of fraud and theft, a Marion County judge ordered him to the confines of his home.

[ . . .]

Lunsford served as the Indiana coordinator for the Sovereign Citizens Movement and a group that sent letters to the nation's governors, ordering them to leave office. Anti-government sympathizers count Monday's ruling a victory, even though Lunsford must help state and federal authorities with ongoing investigations.

[ . . . .]

Lunsford's scheme came unraveled after 14 of his friends met him at Capitol City Ford, looking to purchase cars on the taxpayers dime. The FBI later wired up a sales manager, who talked with Lunsford about stealing from the Federal Reserve.

As the report continues....enter....the Melon Cat...... [insert appropriate music here.....]

JJ McNabb is an Internet sleuth based in Washington, who has infiltrated Sovereign groups.

"Many of them believe that when you're born, the government sets up 'super secret' account under your social security number," said McNabb.

[ . . . .]

In the end, it was age and letters from his own children condemning his actions that prompted a judge to send him to lockdown at home.

Lunsford still faces weapons charges for trying to get a loaded gun through the airport. He can only leave home to go to court, church and for medical care. If he gets a job, prosecutors will argue that he pays restitution to Capitol City Ford.

--from Sandra Chapman, "Government protestor sentenced to home detention," Sept. 13, 2010, WTHR-TV Indianapolis, Indiana, at:

http://www.wthr.com/story/13146396/gove ... -detention

[Famspear]

Lunsford's involvement in the "Guardians of the free Republics" crap is mentioned by the Southern Poverty Law Center:

http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/i ... sovereigns

[Famspear]

I forgot to mention that Lunsford's sentence was reportedly two years. That was about two years ago, so right about now he should have finished (or should be just finishing) with the requirement for home detention.