In July 2012 (while in jail, of course), Salmonson filed an incoherent complaint in U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Florida, naming certain individuals including John T. Luzzo, Howard C. Forman, and various other parties, and describing himself as "Christopher Robert Salmonson, Authorized Representative, Beneficiary, Lawful Living Man, Injured Third Party Intervener."
Of course, to add a nice touch, he apparently tried to make a "Special Appearance."
Salmonson described his action as "an Admiralty or Maritime Claim."
He obviously did not want to leave out anything important.
He stated that he was being "unlawfully detained In [capitalizing the word "In"] this case as a surety on a bond...."
He states, among other things, that he had "negotiated a bond with the Clerk of the Court In [sic] the 17th Judicial Circuit [ . . .] in the amount of $50,000,000.00."
He also claimed to have "deposited with the U.S. Treasury an Indemnity Bond [ . . .] in the amount of $300,000,000.00", and on and on in a more or less repetitive fashion.
The Court dismissed the case in July 2012, stating in part:
A complaint “must contain . . . a short and plain statement of the claim showing that the pleader is entitled to relief.” Fed. R. Civ. P. 8(a)(2). A plaintiff must articulate “enough facts to state a claim to relief that is plausible on its face.”
[ . . .]
Even liberally construed, the Plaintiff’s Complaint fails to provide anything resembling a
“short and plain” statement of the claim or the basis for the Court’s jurisdiction under Rule 8(a).1 The Plaintiff styles himself at once as a Plaintiff, a Counter-Plaintiff, and a Third-Party
Defendant in this action, and the factual allegations consist entirely of a recitation of a series of alleged financial transactions and documents purportedly delivered to the Defendants, referencing multiple exhibits not attached to the pleadings or anywhere on the record. The
Plaintiff ends this recitation with a request for the Court to take notice of the allegations, and “to ledge the account to zero and complete the settlement.” Compl. 5, ECF No. 1. Interpreted generously, the Complaint appears to request large sums of money from the various Defendants. However, even construed under the liberal standards applied to pro se complaints, the Court cannot determine the nature of the Plaintiff’s claim from the vague and confusing allegations of the Complaint. Put simply, the Complaint is frivolous and lacks a legal basis or legal merit.....
--from Order Dismissing the Complaint Without Prejudice, July 17, 2012, entry 4,
Salmonson v. Luzzo, case no. 12-61392-CV-Scola/Snow, U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Florida (footnotes omitted).
"My greatest fear is that the audience will beat me to the punch line." -- David Mamet