UK - Neelu Berry opens my eyes

[Gregg]

So, basically, instead of a middling Jaguar, properly parked, she's paid as much for a shitty van, except to bailiffs, with the fines and fees.

Not yet, but she’s working on it.

She could, of course, simply park legally and drive a vehicle with all the required paperwork and legal stuff the law requires.

But, of course, the law doesn’t apply to her, and she’s wound up the councils, police and government, closed the courts and arrested all the judges in any case. And if there’s a cheaper, sensible way to do something and a stupid way that multiplies the cost and puts herself in the line of hassle, and gets her attention on the interwebz Neelu goes for the stupid every time.

Still, no doubt the bailiffs are grateful for her custom. And one day she’ll run out of money and the van, and maybe her other possessions, will finally be auctioned off for a fraction of what she paid for them to pay off a parking ticket.

FIFY

[He Who Knows]

The Seventh String wrote: It has been alleged that the colleagues of a certain Prime Minister sometimes referred to that PM as “Daggers”. Dagenham being three or four stops beyond Barking on the London Underground District Line.

Neelu’s right out there in Hornchurch, with a holiday cottage in Upminster Cockfosters.

FIFY

https://nationalpost.com/opinion/john-i ... k-politics

[Comrade Sharik]

I'd have placed Neelu in Mornington Crescent....

[Mike_p]

I'd have placed Neelu in Mornington Crescent....

Drat! You won!

But to get there, I think you were stretching credibility by invoking the Baker Street detour so early in the game. (Can't see how you got to Mornington Crescent without it?).

[AnOwlCalledSage]

(Can't see how you got to Mornington Crescent without it?).

Reverse shunt at Lambeth North. (Carski’s protocol. Easily forgotten but important nevertheless)

[Mike_p]

(Can't see how you got to Mornington Crescent without it?).

Reverse shunt at Lambeth North. (Carski’s protocol. Easily forgotten but important nevertheless)

You got me beat. I hadn't even heard of Carski's protocol- (I had to google it to confirm that you're correct.) I salute you: clearly a master of the game.

[exiledscouser]

Neelu’s version would be called Upminister - she’s beyond Barking.

The advice regarding the ticket woes is coming in. Love this sage advice which combines so many Footle memes and twisted etymology in one short paragraph;

Paul Sumner
Ask them what language they are using as anything written in ALL CAPS is unreadable as a <space> represents a <fullstop> so is not Enlgish and if the 4 Corner rule is being used where anything in a box cannot be seen, anything underlined is removed from the page. Also I think the boxes create seperate documents on the page. I rang gov. enforcement agents up and recorded them with an app on my phone, rang their office up and told them i was a-gent for the legal name and they said they couldn't talk to me yet lots of threat to steal my private property all coming from york council who i don't even have a con-tract with and never have had for residents parking with 20 tickets in a year i got, they;re all a joke... get their names, don't let them hide behind numbers

I hope England uses the Four Corner Rule to defeat Sweden this Saturday

IF YOU CAN READ AND MORE IMPORTANTLY UNDERSTAND THIS BIT PLEASE SOMEONE INFORM MR SUMNER ABOVE THAT HIS THEORY IS BOLLOCKS.

[AnOwlCalledSage]

1) He is quite correct. It's not "Enlgish".
2) "i was a-gent for the legal name" - at least he's being civil. Not many real gents around nowadays.

If Neelu is beside herself with anger over the ticket, then she's probably in Barkingside. Baddam-tish!

[notorial dissent]

So much incredibly dense stupid in so small a space, and par for the course.

[exiledscouser]

More sterling sure-fire advice to Neelu's continuing battles over a parking ticket.

Says Jonathan;

Demanding Money with Menace

Commonly known as Blackmail, S21 of the 1968 Theft Act;

21 Blackmail.

(1) A person is guilty of blackmail if, with a view to gain for himself or another or with intent to cause loss to another, he makes any unwarranted demand with menaces; and for this purpose a demand with menaces is unwarranted unless the person making it does so in the belief—

(a) that he has reasonable grounds for making the demand; and

(b) that the use of the menaces is a proper means of reinforcing the demand.

21(1)(a) and (b) must have been presciently written 50 years ago just with Neelu in mind.

Here's the (probably miss-spelt) Lee Cant;

Cease + Desist

Immediate Effect 5/7/18

To: CEO of Newlyns

From : Sheriff Cant and 100 Sheriffs of E9

We received reports of unlawful acts commited by your staff at 3 Peel Drive,

Oh heck, the Sheriffs are coming. What'll they do?

A Lien is attracted to your person and staff and corporate of £96.3 million if any of your staff, agents, self go near 100 feet of 3 peel drive IG5 0JR.

No debts are owed. No contract exists.

An Arrest Warrant will be issued upon any of staff plus CEO of Newlyns + agents.

You have been reported to Met Pol reference number. BCA-6452-18-0101-00

If that doesn't send them packing I don't know what will. Where did he pluck 96.3 from - a local FM radio station jingle?

Max digs further back in time;

.. in 1913, the maximum sentence for 'Uttering' was fourteen (14) years; it is a serious crime.
This Act has, apparently, been repealed and replaced by later Acts.
Uttering, however, is a common law crime and cannot be superseded by legislation, and/or regulation and/or statute ...
----------------------------------------
"Forgery Act 1913, Section 6 Uttering
(1)Every person who utters any forged document, seal, or die shall be guilty of an offence of the like degree (whether felony or misdemeanour) and on conviction thereof shall be liable to the same punishment as if he himself had forged the document, seal, or die.
(2)A person utters a forged document, seal, or die, who, knowing the same to be forged, and with either of the intents necessary to constitute the offence of forging the said document, seal, or die, uses, offers, publishes, delivers, disposes of, tenders in payment or in exchange, exposes for sale or exchange, exchanges, tenders in evidence, or puts off the said forged document, seal, or die.
(3)It is immaterial where the document, seal, or die was forged."

'Uttering', from Merriam-Webster online dictionary;
" to put (notes, currency, etc.) into circulation; specifically: to circulate (something, such as a forged or counterfeit note) as if legal or genuine -- utter false tokens" ...

A mad combination of archaic, completely misunderstood and in any event repealed legislation. A pinch of a quote from a dictionary and bobs yer dad's brother, case is solve-ed.

Meanwhile the tow truck operator, ignorant entirely of the drama awaiting him is booking another foreign holiday on the strength of the increased business at Peel Drive.

More please!

[exiledscouser]

Can never resist.



£96.3 milllllllllion!

[Siegfried Shrink]

From : Sheriff Cant and 100 Sheriffs of E9

They will just assume he fogot the apostrophe.

[exiledscouser]

101 Damnations?

[notorial dissent]

Neelu is like a perpetual money machine for the parking and bailiff people. She keeps racking up the tickets and she keeps shelling out the money.

[longdog]

Neelu is like a perpetual money machine for the parking and bailiff people. She keeps racking up the tickets and she keeps shelling out the money.

She's got umpty squillian and twelvety zillion pounds coming from Swissindo... These fines are nothing to her.

[The Seventh String]

and gets her attention on the interwebz

How very true. Thank you for that.

Life could be so much better for her if she followed the lead of other youtube “producers” in search of attention and aclaim who are content to peddle stuff like die-hard flat Earthism, quantum mechanics magic woo and stuff about the Sydney Opera House being an alien spaceship from which the Illuminati (who else) rule the galaxy (OK, as far as I know I made the last one up, but out there somewhere....)

What’s more, some of the spouters of such gibberish have, sadly, substantial audiences and actually make money out of it by encouraging donations to keep their “vital scientific work” going. All Neelu gets is the vocal, but not physical or financial, support of skint people and big bill after big bill.

She could even include how the police want to silence her so badly they regularly but ineffectively murder her. It would be a unique selling point.

Maybe drop the Swissindo stuff though. That’s just a bit too unbelievable, and who’s going to send you money if you keep insisting that any second now you’ll be a billionaire?

[BankofSwissindo]

Maybe drop the Swissindo stuff though. That’s just a bit too unbelievable, and who’s going to send you money if you keep insisting that any second now you’ll be a billionaire?

The Board has met to discuss this matter and the damage this has caused the integrity of the Swissindo. In order to restore faith in OUR banking system, we unanimously resolved the following:

1) We will be issuing a new promissory note called the Neelu. This equates to £438 of your English pounds and is accepted by all councils in lieu of parking in a recognised parking spot.
2) We have completed the takeover of Newlyn Bailiffs. The income from this revenue stream will fund the purchase of Sydney Opera House.
3) Starting August 1st, roasted babies will no longer be served at board meetings.

[The Seventh String]

Well your first two resolutions make exemplary sense.

Number (3) seems a bit drastic, are you quite sure about this?

[Gregg]

Well your first two resolutions make exemplary sense.

Number (3) seems a bit drastic, are you quite sure about this?

Its a cost issue, the crop came in short and they're quite expensive this year. Back soon, we hope.

[SteveUK]

Someone not happy with Neelu's call for help:

Maxine Jones "I need help"
Many of us have been telling you that for years, you mad psychotic bitch.

And i cant work out if the response is for real or taking the piss

Bob Ajob maxine jones you have been issued with a common law court fine for dishonour to a living being. the fine is payable now the sum owed is £14.8m in gold.

It seems Maxine has a strong dislike of Neelu

Maxine Jones Not getting any messages here, Neelu. Try changing the frequency. Or even better, try shutting the fuck up and going to see a shrink?