Strawman Defense Package - Limited time offer!

[FreeTaxTruthPatriot]

Apparently his strawman died while Danny was in prison...

Judging from the documents, I would say Danny smoked him.

fellow patriots,

this is why the government is able to railroad patriots like schiff, snipes and hendrickson in court. we all know about the ALL CAPS fiction uncle sam tries to create in your place, this is often called a "strawman". what most people don't know is it is called a "strawman" for a reason. the government has an actual strawman (man made of "straw") on file for each tax payer in the united states. until this strawman is obtained and burned (and inhaled) no attempts to rebut the "strawman" will work.

the process at work is simple, by inhaling the strawman deep into your lungs you are temporarily becoming the strawman, and by exhaling, you are rejecting the "strawman" and all the legal presumptions that come along with it. once you have fully smoked your strawman you achieve the status of "jurius spurious" thus releasing you from the jurisdiction of any federal court and the IRS. if any federal agencies give you any trouble, you can put them in their place by informing them of your new status by using any of the notification forms provided by our fellow "strawman smoker enlightened" patriots.

through an inside connection with an unnamed agency we are now able to obtain your strawman so you can begin smoking your legal/tax troubles away, your strawman can be purchased for the low low price of 299 worthless federal reserve notes. I know this all sounds a bit odd, and you are right to be suspicious (why would I give you perfectly good straw for worthless federal reserve notes)! but let me assure you, once you fully smoke your strawman, you will believe every word!

proof:

reportedly, joe bannister gave the jury his strawman to smoke during the delibrations and the jury found him not guilty!

reportedly, tommy crier smoked his strawman with the jury and was found not guilty.


undeniable proof our "strawman defense package" works.

---

we have received the following letter from a long-time strawman smoker:

Dear strawman smoker patriots,

The corporate united states government thugs have kidnapped me and are holding me against my will. I was tried in one of their kangaroo courts and found guilty despite perfect application of your 'strawman defense package'. I have sent in all the forms you have advised, and attempted to fire my non-strawman-smoker enlightened attorney, it seems to only get me in more trouble. Despite this i know your 'strawman defense package' is the best method devised yet to fight the corporate united states government imposters. Please advise on how I should continue.

Sincerely,

'Dogwalker' - Pseudonym used to protect my identity.

dear "dogwalker" our "strawman defense package" does not work 100% of the time unless you share with the judge and/or jury. however we think that if you didn't share and it didn't work it was probally just that you didn't inhale deeply enough. Luckly we can obtain "replacement strawmen" for the same low-low price of 299 worthless federal reserve notes. if you can't share with the judge and/or jury then you may need to smoke 3-4 strawmen before the desired effect is achieved (mabye 5). luckly we can provide as many as you need!

now that you know why all the other tax truth patriots have failed why not order your "strawman defense package" today and find out for yourself?

PM me for ordering information, cash only please!

[FreeTaxTruthPatriot]

dear captainkickback,

thank you for your interest in our "strawman defense package". yes, we do accept liberty dollars, we prefer ron paul liberty dollars please, not the ones with that french lady with hairy armpits. in fact our strawmen can be purchased for only 200 ron paul liberty dollars if you choose to pay that way.

i would also like to assure you that our legal department has researched the issue and they have found no law against smoking a strawman in an attempt to release yourself from the jurisdiction of the federal government and the irs. additionally our legal department has assured us there are no court cases specifically stating that a person who has smoked his strawman is liable for any income tax.

thank you for your interest, and we look forward to your order!

[wserra]

our "strawman defense package" does not work 100% of the time unless you share with the judge and/or jury.

Don't bogart that strawman?

[Demosthenes]

Big fun!

[The Observer]

Finally, a strawman plan that actually works - even if it is afflicted with gibberish.

[Mr. Mephistopheles]

Dear FreeTaxTruthPatriot,

I would like to offer for your consideration a large quantity of wild-growing plant matter than you might find suitable as raw material in your strawman manufacturing process. It is unsightly and has a rather pungent odor, qualities which render this the ideal raw material for manufacturing your strawman. Others have realized great succes using this same material to manufacture itchy green caps, t-shirts, and sandals bearing a symbol similar to that of a tomato leaf. It does not fit well with our landscaping plan and I plan to mow it soon in order to eradicate this plant matter. I extend this exclusive offer to you knowing you are a true patriot, know "The Truth" about da ebil gubment, da Joos, and da Masonic cradle of debauchery, have not drunk the kool-aid, are not brainwashed, a "slave", paid shill, or government agent.

I will be delighted to arrange for shipping this material upon receipt of your purchase order and subsequent truckload quantity of Ron Paul Liberty Dollars at the face value of $499 (actual value $0.00499). Please contact me at your earliest convenience to arrange shipment details.

Included as a free gift with each purchase of SCSBM (Sovereign Citizen Strawman Base Material) will be an equal quantity of APSS (Authentic Piss Soaked Straw). Our APSS is carefully infused with actual horse urine and manure to add that special bouquet to your strawman. Each order of 100 lbs or more of APSS includes a genuine plastic bucket full of organic, unprocessed horse manure to aid in the conception and implementation of future tax denier arguments in court.

Call today at 800 FTF ROKS to reserve your order.

[Famspear]

Funniest thread I've read in a long time! Made my day!

Say, where are you people when we need you - like, for instance, when the Hollywood hacks are writing all those lame TV sitcoms?

[Doktor Avalanche]

And I've just the thing to smoke my strawman:

[Mr. Mephistopheles]

Funniest thread I've read in a long time! Made my day!

Say, where are you people when we need you - like, for instance, when the Hollywood hacks are writing all those lame TV sitcoms?

No kidding. We should have busted the writer's strike.

[FreeTaxTruthPatriot]

That's one of the nuclear powered bongs I've heard so much about, isn't it? Sweeeeeet.

this is what iran means when they say they want nuclear power for peaceful purposes. mine was confiscated by the government, damn the IAEA and yankee imperialist interventionalism! (and the local sheriff's department)

Dear FreeTaxTruthPatriot,

I would like to offer for your consideration a large quantity of wild-growing plant matter than you might find suitable as raw material in your strawman manufacturing process.

dear mr. mephistopheles,

i wasn't very excited about your offer until you made the following astute observation:

I extend this exclusive offer to you knowing you are a true patriot, know "The Truth" about da ebil gubment, da Joos, and da Masonic cradle of debauchery, have not drunk the kool-aid, are not brainwashed, a "slave", paid shill, or government agent.

now that i know you are a true patriot as well i have decided to order your package. i have chosen the overnight delivery and COD as the payment method. i will inform you when i have received the package and let you know if it meets our specifications.

[Doktor Avalanche]

That's one of the nuclear powered bongs I've heard so much about, isn't it? Sweeeeeet.

That, my dear Captain, is a hookah.

If you've never smoked out of a hookah before, I have to tell you that it's quite an amazing experience - although they're a bitch to clean.

Personally I'd never smoke weed out of such a thing. It's really a waste of weed.

[FreeTaxTruthPatriot]

dear doktor avalanche,

you will be happy to hear you can smoke your strawman with shisha.

every sunday my sister sarah smokes strawberry shisha strawmen at her secret chateau slightly south of sunny savannah.

sincerely,

free tax truth: patriot

[Mr. Mephistopheles]

dear mr. mephistopheles,

i wasn't very excited about your offer until you made the following astute observation:

I extend this exclusive offer to you knowing you are a true patriot, know "The Truth" about da ebil gubment, da Joos, and da Masonic cradle of debauchery, have not drunk the kool-aid, are not brainwashed, a "slave", paid shill, or government agent.

now that i know you are a true patriot as well i have decided to order your package. i have chosen the overnight delivery and COD as the payment method. i will inform you when i have received the package and let you know if it meets our specifications.

Thank you for your kind sentiments and for your order! I am pleased to announce that just last evening we completed a fresh production run of APSS. I'm sure you will find our products exceeds your expectations. I do ask that you change the payment terms on your purchase to RPLDOD. Please kind sir, do not attempt to fool me into accepting the fiat currency of a corrupt private corporation. Afterall, Brushaber states explicitly that I'm not required to me involved in the murky dealings of the NWO. (If you don't believe me look it up yourself.)

Back to business: I am excited about your product as well. Included in the shipment will be directions to my top:secret underground lair (think Batcave) where I would like my completed strawman delivered. I do ask, however, that you refrain from using of the APSS you will be receiving in the manufacture of my strawman as the ventilation in the lair is somewhat limited. The combination of fumes from the APSS combined with the bat guano may be so overpowering as to shatter my illusion that Freedom to Farcism is the way, the truth AND the light.

[FreeTaxTruthPatriot]

dear mr. mephistopheles,

i am in recepit of your package, that was mighty fast shipping.

you will be pleased to know i paid the delivery man with a bill of exchange drawn from my account at NORFED for $100 RPLD over the purchase price. i insisted the deliveryman provide the correct change in ron paul dollars, unfortunately he only had FRNs so i reluctantly accepted them.

---

i have opened the package and it appears both the SCSBM/APSS mix as well as the genuine plastic bucket full of organic, unprocessed horse manure seem to have a layer of fungal growth on the top layer. i am unsure at the moment how this massive pile of horsecrap is helpful to any movement other than the horses'.

i am setting the SCSBM/APSS mix and the bucket of horse crap over in the corner with a transparent lid to prevent dehydration. though i doubt i can use this to to make our strawmen, rest assured i am sure i will find a way to use this bucket of horse crap when i devise my next de-tax plan. i will inform you of any developments with the horse poo.

sincerely,

free tax truth: patriot

[buck09]

fellow patriots,

this is why the government is able to railroad patriots like schiff, snipes and hendrickson in court. we all know about the ALL CAPS fiction uncle sam tries to create in your place, this is often called a "strawman". what most people don't know is it is called a "strawman" for a reason. the government has an actual strawman (man made of "straw") on file for each tax payer in the united states. until this strawman is obtained and burned (and inhaled) no attempts to rebut the "strawman" will work.

TP screed rating:

Lack of capitalization: +5
Proper Spelling: -5
Proper Syntax: -5
Failure to end every "sentence" with a dash or ellipsis: -5
Use of paragraphs: -5
Not enough exclamation points: -5

You're going to have to practice and get yourself in the right frame of mind. I suggest the following regiment.
1.) 2-3 bottles of bum wine (MD 20/20, Thunderbird, etc) per day, each consumed in less than one hour.
2.) Induce de-learnification by depriving yourself of oxygen. Be sure to have someone onhand to make sure you don't die.
3.) If you live anywhere near the city, find the scummiest bar in a small town you can find. Drink any time except between 5 PM and 5 AM.

Do this for a few months and come back. We'll evaluate your performance to see if you've made any improvements.

[Cpt Banjo]

If you really want to turn your brain into tapioca, watch daytime TV.

I recently had to take my car in for service and got trapped into watching "The View" in the waiting room. I would easily prefer to chew on razor blades than to have to listen to this bilge ever again.

[FreeTaxTruthPatriot]

dear mr mepoplis -- your are a jenius!! i thought i got jipped when i received your package but i had no idea that you were really shiping me the most effective detaxing program ever devised!!! i went to check on the buket of horse crap you sent me this morning and found multitudes of mushrooms growing out of the buket and SCSBM/APSS mix!

i promptly ate 30 of these mushrooms. after eating the mushrooms i decided to do more research into our oppressive illuminati-controlled tax system. as i was looking at a form 1040, IT MELTED IN FRONT OF MY EYES!!! promptly i printed a copy of the entire tax code and looked at it, IT MELTED IN FRONT OF MY EYES!!!! i printed every court opinion that ever disagreed with a tax protester, and THEY MELTED IN FRONT OF MY EYES!! i looked at the 16th amendment, and article 1 section 8, and THEY MELTED IN FRONT OF MY EYES!!!!!

you're package has eliminated every tax form, the tax code itself, every inconvienent court opinion, and the constitutional authority for congress to tax anything! all this from a jiant buket of horse sh*t. as such i have named this remarkable program the "TOTAL HORSECRAP TAX CODE ELIMINATION PACKAGE".

your detax program also made me realize other things. for instance, when my nucular powered bong was confiscated by the sheriff's department, i thought it was because all the neiborhood cats started glowing in the dark. i now see that it was really a secret operation by the mossad, mi6, the cia, and the jesuits acting on orders from the pope who in turn takes his orders from satan who lives under the vatican!!!

it all makes so much sense to me know!! to be honest all these tax protester theories confused me before, they seemed somehow illogical, but now i understand it all so clearly, it makes perfect sense now, i've found the missing ingrediant!!!

mr mepoplis -- if only we could get these paid government shills, illuminati-controlled irs agents, and kool-aid drinkers to try your amazing package i'm sure they would start to see things our way.

now if youll excuse me, i have to jog to the store, get some orange juice, then im gonna sit here and watch freedom to fascism for hidden meanings.

sincerely;
free tax truth: patriot

[Doktor Avalanche]

Remember to watch it while naked and wearing a tinfoil beanie on each head......you don't want rays from the cathode ray tube sapping your precious bodily fluids.