I have a quandary...

[Gregg]

Umm,,, the facts.

I took a trip to Florida last weekend, left Friday the 1st, returned Monday the 4th.
A person I have trusted for years to do such things had access to my house to care for the dog.
There is a charge on one of my credit cards from a bar in Cincinnati for March 3rd.
Said credit card was on my desk when I last saw it, gone now....
The Dog sitter has FB photos from the same bar, same date.

She's mid 20s, single mom, 2 kids....and as mad as I am I really don't want to ruin her life over $50. What pains me is if she had asked I would certainly have said yes. I'm also, sheepishly, conflict adverse enough that I'm not even sure what to do.

Any help?

[webhick]

I get that she's a single mom with 2 kids and if she had used the card for diapers or something, I'd be conflicted too. Not that stealing out of necessity is excusable, just I'd be conflicted about turning her in if it were the case.

Fact of the matter is, she stole from you so she could have a good time. It's not about how much or how little she took or whether or not you would have given it had she asked. It's not about how many kids she has, how young she is, or whether or not the father is in the picture. You pay her to watch your dog, not rob you blind.

Turn her in. Don't give her a heads-up (don't want her removing incriminating evidence from FB). And each time you think about not turning her in, consider the other people she's stolen from who don't know about it yet.

[JamesVincent]

I have to agree with Web. Being in the same situation myself as far as kids and everything if I was going to steal it would be for them, not so I can get plastered somewhere. Thats a pretty big betrayal of trust there on her end. It doesn't matter dollar amount, you can't replace that trust.

[Pottapaug1938]

I'll add my agreement to the pile. If this woman is going to be stopped from pulling the same stuff, on a bigger scale, she needs to be told -- forcefully -- that the world does NOT revolve around her, and her own personal pleasures are not the gold standard for deciding what is right and what is wrong.

Perhaps if the law comes down on her now, the message might get through; but then again, if this woman is dumb enough to steal a credit card, use it to pay for a night of partying at a bar, and then POST PICTURES OF THE PARTY ONLINE, she may not get the message even then.

[fortinbras]

I would start by asking her for an explanation.

[Mr. Mephistopheles]

I second fortinbras' motion. There may be a reasonable explanation. If there is you can save a friendship, if not then the situation reverts back to its present state.

[Cathulhu]

I'm guessing you've cancelled the credit card since your original post stated it was still missing. When you did, if you reported it stolen and the bar charges not yours, will the credit card company do anything? It seems unlikely to me if it's only one set of bar charges, and I would presume she didn't have a lap dance. FWIW, I'd ask her for an explanation. If you have to blow off the friendship--and face it, you have--then you may as well go out with questions answered. Beats hell out of wondering for the next decade.

[Pottapaug1938]

I second fortinbras' motion. There may be a reasonable explanation. If there is you can save a friendship, if not then the situation reverts back to its present state.

I dunno. I don't know what reasonable explanation there can be for taking someone's credit card and running up $50 in unauthorized charges at a bar, especially since there was no mention of the woman telling Gregg about the $50 before he found out about it.

[Kestrel]

Besides cancelling the card I would put fraud alert on my credit accounts, and request a copy of the fraudulent credit card charge to see how the charge slip was signed. (You may have to get the police involved to do that.) Then I would make a very careful inspection of my house to find whether anything else is missing or shows signs of tampering - paperwork, records, jewelry boxes, guns, cameras, electronics... basically anything that would give the thief information necessary to open additional cards in your name, and anything that could get a good price at a pawnshop.

Sure, you trusted the woman. But you don't know whether she came to your home by herself or brought a few less trustworthy friends. It's entirely possible that the girl herself is innocent of taking the card, but that she was stupid enough to bring someone else into your home, that this third person took the card and then "treated" her to drinks at the bar.

And if there IS a third person involved, I would definitely press charges.

[Gregg]

I've spent the whole day struggling with this. She's taken care of the dog for several years, and honestly I know her because her mother went to high school with me and now lives next door to me.

The facebook pics make it pretty clear the bar in question is some quido bar that wants to guest host a Jersey Shore episode someday. Might be the boyfriend, which is something I'm trying to hold on to hope for. Best I can tell, nothing else is missing. The card was in a candy dish with about a dozen gift cards, insurance cards etc.... not much in the house easily portable, I do keep about $1,000 cash (bail out someone at 2 AM money) in a place in the kitchen that is all there.

I have decided not to ruin someone's life over $50. I'm going to wait until I go back to work and am gone for a few days to see if it "comes home" in which case I'll at least know, and if not I'm gonna call her and just ask. I'm seriously disappointed with the whole thing. If the card does find its way back I'll be satisfied that it was her and not someone who came into the house with her, but the point of doing anything more than calling her out on it is lost on me. Mom next door kind of complicates it, too.

This has shaken my already low faith in humanity.

[Olsenfin]

Is it possible that this woman invited a boyfriend to visit her when she was at your home, that the boyfriend snatched your credit card, that they later went to a bar together and he used your credit card without her knowledge?

Is it POSSIBLE? Confronting this woman with your knowledge of the credit card charge and asking her for an explanation may result in a broken friendship or your having to take the matter further. On the other hand, she might have a genuinely exculpatory explanation. Why not find out? What have you to lose?

[Gregg]

I checked the account again this morning, and there are more than $100 in other charges, half a dozen transactions, blah blah....I no longer have any doubts what is happening and it's safe to say I've lost any compassionate bent I may have had. I called the bank, canceled the card and filed a fraud report. Whatever happens, happens and I wash my hands of it.

But I'm really depressed about it, still.

[Mr. Mephistopheles]

That sucks Gregg.

[JamesVincent]

Sorry Gregg. It sucks since you are a good person, and you have to be to have things like this happen. Can only have your trust betrayed if you trust to begin with.

[Arthur Rubin]

I checked the account again this morning, and there are more than $100 in other charges, half a dozen transactions, blah blah....I no longer have any doubts what is happening and it's safe to say I've lost any compassionate bent I may have had. I called the bank, canceled the card and filed a fraud report. Whatever happens, happens and I wash my hands of it.

But I'm really depressed about it, still.

Sorry to see your trust violated. I think the times our credit cards were stolen were outright thefts, with two exceptions, which I'd rather not go into at this time. I'm not sure about some items which went missing from storage in the house; if they were stolen, it probably was a breach of trust, more readily accessible valuables were not taken.

And, there was one time when someone offered to take an old fridge to a charity, and apparently ran off with it....

I don't think my situation is as troublesome as yours.

[Gregg]

Theft less than $1000, Misdemeanor...

Stealing a credit card,Felony

EACH USE of stolen credit card, Felony

So she could be charged with, at last count, 9 felonies over less than $200...wow.

[ashlynne39]

Whatever happened with this? Did you get any resolution?

[Gregg]

She got a stern warning from the police and paid the bank back the money.