This opinion is a hoot

[Demosthenes]

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT
MIDDLE DISTRICT OF FLORIDA
ORLANDO DIVISION
NONNIE CHRYSTAL,
Plaintiff,
-vs- Case No. 6:10-cv-668-Orl-31GJK
HUNTINGTON NATIONAL BANK,
Defendant.
______________________________________
ORDER

This matter comes before the Court on the Motion to Strike Documents (Doc. 2) filed by the Defendant, Huntington National Bank (“Huntington”). Huntington seeks to have the Court strike various documents, titled “Registration of Foreign Judgment” (Doc. 1), which were filed by the Plaintiff, Nonnie Chrystal (“Chrystal”). Chrystal has not filed a response to the motion, but she has filed two “Notices” (Doc. 5, 7) in which she asserts, inter alia, that this Court lacks the authority to dismiss or alter her claim(s) without her consent.

She is incorrect.

Based on her papers, Chrystal – who identifies herself as “Ambassador nonnie: chrystal” of “satellite beach, Florida, Republic; near [32937]” – has fallen in with the Sovereign Citizen/Tax Protestor movement. In common with other so-called sovereign citizens, she appears to believe that ours is a legal system, not of statutes and precedent, but of sorcery, with parties prevailing as a result of their incantation of out-of-context passages from Black’s Legal Dictionary.

The documents that are the subject of this motion are a pile of legalistic gibberish by which Chrystal seeks, so far as the Court can discern, to recover approximately $2 trillion from Huntington pursuant to admiralty law, the Uniform Commercial Code, and “Convention de La Haye du 5 October 1961,” among many other purported authorities. Included are “Notices of Claim of Maritime Lien” naming various human beings as the “vessels” on which liens are sought.

The underlying legal theory appears to be that if Party A sends a letter demanding trillions of dollars from Party B, and Party B fails to respond with the proper magic phrase then – *POOF* – Party B owes Party A trillions of dollars. To paraphrase Wolfgang Pauli, Chrystal’s outlandish contentions are so far from correct that they’re not even wrong.

According to Huntington, Chrystal filed the documents in a state court suit regarding Chrystal’s financing of a vehicle through Huntington. After the state court judge ordered the documents stricken, Chrystal filed them in this forum. Needless to say, these documents – none of which qualifies as a “judgment,” foreign or otherwise – are no more proper in this forum than in state court. Accordingly, it is hereby ORDERED that the Motion to Strike Documents (Doc. 2) is GRANTED, and the Clerk is DIRECTED to strike the documents (Doc. 1) from the public record. Any further attempts to “register” these or similar documents will result in the imposition of sanctions. And it is further ORDERED that this case is DISMISSED. The Clerk is directed to close the file.

DONE and ORDERED in Chambers, Orlando,
Florida on May 17, 2010.

[Demosthenes]

Nonnie Chrystal is Co-Builder of “The Greenest House In The World” according to FOX News. This building phenomenon called Florida’s Showcase Green Envirohome™ (www.FSGE.net) has also received global coverage in USA Today. A medical researcher with a magna cum laude bachelor’s degree from Tulane University School of Engineering, Nonnie has decades of research and experience in holistic, complementary and conventional medicine, half of which was spent with Fortune 50 companies—IBM, Johnson & Johnson and Nestle (Alcon Surgical). But her passion for the truth led Nonnie to research non-mainstream sciences resulting in her unpublished, controversial book on creation mechanics and scalar waves in the field of quantum or “zero point” physics. She now plans to incorporate this knowledge with her subsequent healthcare discoveries as it pertains to restoring the original divine blueprint through a process called bioregenesis into her upcoming book on the science behind immortality. Nonnie is the President of Health Gems™ (www.Health-Gems.com), a business offering unique, high-frequency, healthcare products, and she is also an accomplished classical pianist, a Sound Frequency Therapist™, and trained in Healing Touch. Nonnie’s background gives her green building project, FSGE, the edge in the next unstoppable megatrend—“green living”.

[wserra]

Someone is waaaaaaay too deep into a whole lot of woo-woo.

And you probably haven't seen her 64-page "Registration of Foreign Judgment". Or her "Divinely Organic Coconut Oil", which costs $35/bottle and has the following "Uses":

energizing food, stable cooking oil with 350°F smoke point, homemade salad dressings, makeup remover, massage lotion, moisturizer, facial cleanser, hair conditioner, suntan lotion, toothpaste, personal lubricant, deodorant.

Salad dressing, makeup remover, toothpaste and "personal lubricant"?

Nope. I don't want to know.

[LPC]

In common with other so-called sovereign citizens, she appears to believe that ours is a legal system, not of statutes and precedent, but of sorcery, with parties prevailing as a result of their incantation of out-of-context passages from Black’s Legal Dictionary.

Best description ever of the tax denier mindset.

[fortinbras]

On WestLaw, this decision is identified as 2010 WL 1965870.
I don't have the Lexis number for it (apparently it's not posted on Lexis). Although issued on May 17th, still not published in F.Supp.2d and probably (by this point) never will be.

It appears from the Justia website, that this same Nonnie Chrystal is suing a flock of people in the same court, including a lawfirm and the judge himself.

[Pottapaug1938]

In common with other so-called sovereign citizens, she appears to believe that ours is a legal system, not of statutes and precedent, but of sorcery, with parties prevailing as a result of their incantation of out-of-context passages from Black’s Legal Dictionary.

Best description ever of the tax denier mindset.

Given that there are people out there who are screaming to have the various Harry Potter books and movies banned because they "teach witchraft to children", I'm not surprised to find people thinking that our legal system is built on Magic Words. One of these days, I expect someone to assert that lawyers use magic wands in court....

Mine would be made of sugar maple, and would be around 11 inches long, with a phoenix feather as its core.

[Quixote]

And you probably haven't seen her ... "Divinely Organic Coconut Oil", which costs $35/bottle and has the following "Uses":

energizing food, stable cooking oil with 350°F smoke point, homemade salad dressings, makeup remover, massage lotion, moisturizer, facial cleanser, hair conditioner, suntan lotion, toothpaste, personal lubricant, deodorant.

Salad dressing, makeup remover, toothpaste and "personal lubricant"?

Nope. I don't want to know.

$35 for a 32oz bottle is a bit steep for organic coconut oil, but like any oil, it is versatile. And coconut oil has properties that other cooking oils lack. It is an essential ingredient in vegan shortening, for example, because it is solid at a lower temperature than most oils. Even whack jobs are occasionally right about something.

[Quixote]

Any further attempts to “register” these or similar documents will result in the imposition of sanctions.

Obviously the judge had too much fun writing the opinion to be in the mood to impose sanctions.

[jkeeb]

resulting in her unpublished, controversial book

Another book of this description was written by JJ McNabb.

[Brandybuck]

"Personal lubricant" helps you get into your clothes after a holiday season full of pies and cookies.

[webhick]

Mine would be made of sugar maple, and would be around 11 inches long, with a phoenix feather as its core.

I would buy that were it not a magic wand.

[Pottapaug1938]

Mine would be made of sugar maple, and would be around 11 inches long, with a phoenix feather as its core.

I would buy that were it not a magic wand.

Well, remember: the wand chooses the wizard -- er, lawyer.

[Gregg]

Mine would be made of sugar maple, and would be around 11 inches long, with a phoenix feather as its core.

I would buy that were it not a magic wand.

You can call it whatever you want, honey, we're not gonna judge.

[grixit]

Mine would be made of sugar maple, and would be around 11 inches long, with a phoenix feather as its core.

I would buy that were it not a magic wand.

It works especially well with the coconut oil personal lubricant.

[.]

Ambassador nonnie: chrystal

Ambassador, eh? Nothing like a good nut-ball patronage job.

Don't tell Ed: delusional moron, jealousy will dictate that he be appointed King of Harry Potterville, where sorcery and magic words rule, 24/7.

[Thule]

Mine would be made of sugar maple, and would be around 11 inches long, with a phoenix feather as its core.

But to perfom the Silencio Sovrunamus, you need a wand of about 45 inches, made from teak with lead as its core. Perhaps some iron spikes too.

[Gregg]

Mine would be made of sugar maple, and would be around 11 inches long, with a phoenix feather as its core.

But to perfom the Silencio Sovrunamus, you need a wand of about 45 inches, made from teak with lead as its core. Perhaps some iron spikes too.

A good Louisville Slugger will do that spell pretty good. Leaves a helluva hangover, though.

[Pottapaug1938]

Mine would be made of sugar maple, and would be around 11 inches long, with a phoenix feather as its core.

But to perfom the Silencio Sovrunamus, you need a wand of about 45 inches, made from teak with lead as its core. Perhaps some iron spikes too.

A good Louisville Slugger will do that spell pretty good. Leaves a helluva hangover, though.

Actually, if you want to perform this spell properly, you need a wand like mine. It's extremely difficult to master; but if it works, the recipient is transformed into a crow that, like Poe's raven, knows only one word -- in this case, "taxes".

[Gregg]

To tell the truth, I've been pretty distracted since Webhick's comment and my mind is a little wobbly when I think about it. And that's not even taking into account the fact that she has INTERNS, too.

[davidthompson]

Ok, had to join after i saw this wacky stuff pop up on suijuris.com and another site and have been checking this out on pacer. So the deal seems to be as follows:

you buy a car, an expensive one, then decide not to pay for it, then two years later, several county court rulings, 6 middle court filings (between the vehicle and a credit card) 4 appeals, a few suggestions of middle court judge treason and subsequent suggestions of execution, 30 or so maritime liens on various bank directors and board members and YOU STILL HAVEN'T HAD TO RETURN THE CAR...nice gig if you can get it....