ACTUAL AND CONSTRUCTIVE NOTICE

[webhick]

But the B.A.R article was fun reading. Seems like I've seen it before though. Oh, and my oath was taken in a room filled with non-lawyer friends and family - hardly secret.

That's not an oath. That's an illegal contract that gives your immortal soul to a mortal female. Really... have you actually read your marriage license? Pay attention to the fine print next time - the part about the eternal fire of "Does this make me look fat?" and the 9th level of "Do you think she's pretty?"

[Famspear]

aksis wrote:

I am attempting to cut through the sea of truth with a dull knife.

Boy, I'll say. A very dull knife.

[Evil Squirrel Overlord]

The topic of this thread is an argument for the elimination of humans as a species as per the active secret 18th Amendment.

I cannot believe I wasted a brain cell on it.

[webhick]

Assuming for the sake of argument that there is a correct answer to the latter question, I would posit that it is "No, she's way too skinny."

HORMONAL (IL)LOGIC ALERT
What?! Are you saying I'm FAT?! If she's "too skinny" to be pretty, then I must be heavier! You're calling me FAT! I am not FAT! I work hard to eat right every day and exercise just so you don't have to pop more of those blue pills and you have the nerve every time a skinny girl walks by to ignore all my hard work by calling me FAT! And my being FAT is YOUR FAULT anyway! You knocked me up! You think that extra 130 pounds of baby leftovers just up and vanishes overnight, mister?! And what about the stretch marks?! When are you going to pay to have those removed?!

So, you see there is no correct answer to any of those male-trapping questions.

[silversopp]

Aksis is (check any of the following):

Demographics:

[ ] White
[ ] Male
[ ] Lizardman (but working on a cure)

Employment:

[ ] Unemployed
[ ] Working at, or near, minimum wage
[ ] Frequent purchaser of "Beat the market" infomercial tapes/books

Residence:

[ ] Lives with parents/relatives
[ ] Lives in a trailer or a van down by the river
[ ] Leasing a corner of Groundskeeper Willy's shack

Education:

[ ] "Self-educated Natural Rights scholar" meaning high school drop out
[ ] "Self-educated Natural Rights scholar" meaning high school grad
[ ] "Self-educated Natural Rights scholar" meaning high school plus two flag football courses at the local community college

Relationship:

[ ] Single, divorced
[ ] Single, never married
[ ] Single, never got past first base

At his funeral, his eulogy will focus on:

[ ] His revolution that creates utopian peace for all mankind
[ ] His thirteen best-selling books on philosophy and rights
[ ] There won't be one. Directions to the funeral were written as "Earth, Universe"

[silversopp]

So, you see there is no correct answer to any of those male-trapping questions.

Alrighty smarty pants, how about this answer:

"I love you hunny. There's a sale at the jewelry store, wanna go?"

[webhick]

So, you see there is no correct answer to any of those male-trapping questions.

Alrighty smarty pants, how about this answer:

"I love you hunny. There's a sale at the jewelry store, wanna go?"

HORMONAL (IL)LOGIC ALERT
You won't answer the question? Am I fat? It's my nose, isn't it? I knew I should have gotten it fixed. Omigod, you're trying to hide my hideousness with jewelry, aren't you? ::sobbing loudly:: My husband thinks I'm UGLY!

OR

Do you honestly think I'm stupid enough not to see that you're trying to avoid the question? And with jewelry on SALE! You don't think I'm worth FULL-PRICE jewelry? Do I look like some kind of dumb whore you can bribe with CHEAP jewelry?!

[Demosthenes]

"I love you hunny. There's a sale at the jewelry store, wanna go?"

Tiffany's doesn't have sales.

[Evil Squirrel Overlord]

"I love you hunny. There's a sale at the jewelry store, wanna go?"

Tiffany's doesn't have sales.

I haven't told my current girlfriend I am a descended from a Tiffany. Not that being Louis Comfort's 4th cousin means anything, but I cannot afford to have her infer anything.

[webhick]

My favorite Demographic is:

Demographics:

[ ] White
[ ] Male
[ ] Lizardman (but working on a cure)
[x] I ain't cwite wite - kina orangy, an' male is sumthin' dat gits given evry day. Don' no what no lzadrdman is.

Employment:

[ ] Unemployed
[ ] Working at, or near, minimum wage
[ ] Frequent purchaser of "Beat the market" infomercial tapes/books
[x] Trickin' mah Truck usin' thah money they up an' gave me fer slipping on a band-aid at the liquor store. Gee, I gots to call mah lawyerr. I up an fell on some ice down der at the hockey rink.

Residence:

[ ] Lives with parents/relatives
[ ] Lives in a trailer or a van down by the river
[ ] Leasing a corner of Groundskeeper Willy's shack
[x] A bay in Uncle Joe's garage. He's alright, I guess. Always hugged a little friendly. No worse than Grammy Mae.

Education:

[ ] "Self-educated Natural Rights scholar" meaning high school drop out
[ ] "Self-educated Natural Rights scholar" meaning high school grad
[ ] "Self-educated Natural Rights scholar" meaning high school plus two flag football courses at the local community college
[x] I ayn't needin' no edgeecashun. I learns to fall in stores just like mah granpappy tawt us.

Relationship:

[ ] Single, divorced
[ ] Single, never married
[ ] Single, never got past first base
[*] State dem dere came down one day an' said "Cleetus, doncha no! Ya can't marry Bessie Sue Mae Rita Joe! Dat girls ya sister!" So, I say dere to the "State", "I marry who I gonna marry!"

At his funeral, his eulogy will focus on:

[ ] His revolution that creates utopian peace for all mankind
[ ] His thirteen best-selling books on philosophy and rights
[ ] There won't be one. Directions to the funeral were written as "Earth, Universe"
[*] Dem dere spinners on his truck. And dat time we's all gone out to McCurly's farm an' he fathered 20 or 30 calfs. Dem be some good times.

[Nikki]

But the B.A.R article was fun reading. Seems like I've seen it before though. Oh, and my oath was taken in a room filled with non-lawyer friends and family - hardly secret.

That's not an oath. That's an illegal contract that gives your immortal soul to a mortal female. Really... have you actually read your marriage license? Pay attention to the fine print next time - the part about the eternal fire of (1) "Does this make me look fat?" and the 9th level of (2) "Do you think she's pretty?"

#1 if the dress/slacks/skirt/blouse/... is not unflattering, "No, don't be silly. You look great in it -- just as good a you do in your (insert her favorite outfit)."

If it's unflattering or, God forbid, actually does make her look heavier than she is: "Honey, that dress(whatever) must be cut wrong. It's just not hanging on you properly." or "It's okay, but it really (doesn't do justice to)/(detracts from) your (insert feature of which she is most proud)"

#2 "Do you mean as pretty as you are or just pretty on an abstract scale? If the first choice "Of course not, don't be silly" if the second choice "I guess so, but she definitely doesn't have your (insert her favorite feature)"

[webhick]

Webhick, you yourself have described yourself ... with redhair.

Who said I had red hair? I have a lot of red highlights thanks to my Irish decent (and a lot of grey, thanks to my mother), I'll give you that - but not red hair. I used to dye it red, until I pretty much went through every conceivable box of red hair dye and I still always looked like a fire hydrant. I dye it a soft brown now, which makes the highlights pop.

More importantly, your boyfriend likes you they way you are.

Boyfriend isn't really a boyfriend. Think, "friends with benefits with an agreement to ditch each other when something better comes a long - no questions asked." Saying "boyfriend" is easier. And he's ok with that label so long as I don't say it around anyone he knows. The boyfriend is also 13 years my senior, is surrounded by married, procreating friends, and has a ticking biological clock. Those three factors alone sufficiently lower his standards to "I'll take anyone I can get for now".

More important than that is that YOU like yourself the way you are.

There's liking the way you are, and there's accepting the way you are. I'm in the second camp.

buttah face

Nailed it.

Besides, I don't think Webhick is really the fancy jewelry type. Now, a smokin' fast notebook with 2GB or RAM, DVD burner and in her favorite color would be a different matter.......

Nailed it again. Not a jewelry type. But I also don't accept gifts from people, so even the notebook would be returned.

[Imalawman]

Look, when you've been married as long as I have (10 months) you learn a thing or two about how to answer those questions.

When asked, "does this make me look fat" - I say, "no your fat makes you look fat."

When asked, "do you think she's pretty" - I say, "I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers, if that's what you mean"

I'm going down in flames no matter what I say, my philosophy is say it truthfully and she'll stop asking. Or leave you, but either way you won't have to deal with the questions.


If my wife ever reads this - Nothing you've ever worn has made you look fat, you're a goddess of loveliness. Also, I'm not attracted to any females besides you. This post was nothing more than a joke.

[webhick]

The human race is doomed. I'm just going sum up the crazy arguments.

#1 if the dress/slacks/skirt/blouse/... is not unflattering, "No, don't be silly. You look great in it -- just as good a you do in your (insert her favorite outfit)."

You just called her silly. And the problem with mentioning "her favorite outfit" is complex. You could end up mentioning an outfit that yesterday, was her favorite, but as of this morning she hates because maybe she gained an ounce (or is bloated) and it doesn't look nearly as good as it once did. Or, you could mention what YOU think is her favorite outfit...and be wrong (can of worms). Also, what if her favorite outfit is her favorite because it makes her booty look luscious and that is not the purpose of *this* outfit. In which case, now it's just making her ass look big.

If it's unflattering or, God forbid, actually does make her look heavier than she is: "Honey, that dress(whatever) must be cut wrong. It's just not hanging on you properly." or "It's okay, but it really (doesn't do justice to)/(detracts from) your (insert feature of which she is most proud)"

You just told her that she's got such an out of proportion body, that she has to have things specially cut to fit her shape. "Hanging" may not be a good thing. She might take that to mean that she's too skinny. Basically anything that implies that the outfit doesn't fit her right implies that it's not the outfit (especially when she's seen the outfit on others) that's making her look fat, it's her body.

#2 "Do you mean as pretty as you are or just pretty on an abstract scale? If the first choice "Of course not, don't be silly" if the second choice "I guess so, but she definitely doesn't have your (insert her favorite feature)"

First by trying to segregate your wife's prettiness from the abstract scale, you imply that she would not be able to compete on the abstract scale (you'd think of that as a "you're so pretty, they haven't found a value on the scale for it yet", she'd take it as, "you don't measure up to the abstract scale") You called her silly again. And then there's the caveat you seem to fall into with trying to guess her favorite anything. You'll always be wrong. Even when you're right.

"Does this make me look fat?" - even if it does you MIGHT be better off saying something along the lines of, "You know, that really does nothing for you. It's not you honey, but that article of clothing is a dud. Wrong color, does nothing for your eyes/hair. In fact, you should return it to the store and swap it."

You make the mistake of implying that an outfit has to "do something" for her for it to look good on her. A perfect body means that the outfits accent, not "do things". Plus, she probably saw this outfit in a catalog or on the mannequin - and it looked just fine then. The idea of having her swap it is logical. But we aren't logical. She bought that outfit because she really wanted to wear it. Being told she has to pick something else isn't going to make her happy. It's like that time I really needed a piece of dark chocolate and I couldn't find any anywhere.

"Do you think she is pretty?" - Okay, with this, a touch of honesty may be in order. "Honey, yes she is pretty, but not even close to being as hot and sexy as you are."

Ah, she isn't as hot and sexy as your wife...but is your wife pretty? Nice dodge there, but any self-respecting woman looking to pick a fight would pick up on it.

[webhick]

Look, when you've been married as long as I have (10 months) you learn a thing or two about how to answer those questions.

When asked, "does this make me look fat" - I say, "no your fat makes you look fat."

When asked, "do you think she's pretty" - I say, "I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers, if that's what you mean"

I'm going down in flames no matter what I say, my philosophy is say it truthfully and she'll stop asking. Or leave you, but either way you won't have to deal with the questions.

I love it. There's no way she can cleverly try to twist your words back on you - you've already done it for her. Of course, you may be in for some alimony for emotional abuse, but... it's worth it.

[Quixote]

There are also older maps of Earth.

I saw one that was drawn during a time when knowledgeable People used to say the Earth was flat. It had some sea monsters on it.

You think that there was a time after 500 BC, the date of the world's earliest known map, during which knowledgeable people said the world was flat? Apparently, you'll believe anything.

[webhick]

1. The gift notebook - if you were seriously involved/living with a significant other and they had the disposable income and knew you really, really needed a new system, a notebook with AMD 3200+ CPU, 1GB RAM, 40GB HDD, in a deep blue, purchased on e-bay for $600 might be appropriate.

I still would not accept it. Accepting a gift, no matter what the initial intentions are will always come back and bite you in the ass.

2. Some men (I am in that camp) refuse to go out with women who pull the whole, "do I look fat in this/do you think she is pretty" schtick. It is old and it is played out and frankly I do not have the time, effort or energy for it and to be constantly stroking your ego. If the outfit looks good on you I will tell you and if it looks bad on you I will tell you and it is reciprocal. And you are free to ingnore my advice and vice versa.

Can't blame you. I think that the time for crazy women picking fights is coming to an end. Well, not really coming to an end. They're getting crazier. But, the men and kids aren't putting up with it as much.

But, that's just me and I live "outside the box."

I'll keep you company.

[Demosthenes]

If my wife ever reads this - Nothing you've ever worn has made you look fat, you're a goddess of loveliness. Also, I'm not attracted to any females besides you. This post was nothing more than a joke.

Ten months and he's whipped. Damn, she's good.

[webhick]

If my wife ever reads this - Nothing you've ever worn has made you look fat, you're a goddess of loveliness. Also, I'm not attracted to any females besides you. This post was nothing more than a joke.

Ten months and he's whipped. Damn, she's good.

She must be clicker-training him. I heard that's effective.

[Demosthenes]

Same conversation in Demo house:

Demo: Does this skirt make me look fat?

Demo's Hubby: Kind of.

Demo: Asshole.

Demo's Hubby: Let's go the book store.

Demo: Cool.