Random thoughts

[JamesVincent]

I wanted to start a thread to post just random thoughts, kinda like the old SNL? skit. I'll start with one I had the other day.

Why does 3 minutes feel like an eternity when you're waiting for the coffee pot?

[Pottapaug1938]

Why does time slow down as a vacation approaches, and then accelerate for the duration of the vacation?

[wserra]

Why isn't the Theory of Relativity "time slows down when you spend it with relatives"?

[The Dog]

Or as the great man himself put it:

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.”

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/370132 ... r-a-minute

[Number Six]

Why do you never get the incisive advice when you need it, but only perfect hindsight with all the "I told you so" when you were not really told, or "it was your own fault...."? Or when you are asking advice the wrong person always chimes in with offensive banter? And those are going to be the people at your funeral joking about how the guy or girl was their own worst enemy....

[NYGman]

If you buy a bed on layaway, do you get to sleep in the store?

[Famspear]

If you're not dismayed, disgruntled, disgusted, or disturbed -- if you're just as happy as a clam -- does that mean that you're mayed, gruntled, gusted, and turbed?

[wserra]

For folks who speak Spanish:

Se oye en una bodega: ¿Si tienes papa frita, porqué no tienes mama frita?

[Pottapaug1938]

For folks who speak Spanish:

Se oye en una bodega: ¿Si tienes papa frita, porqué no tienes mama frita?

When I lived in Puerto Rico, I used to eat lunch, from time to time, in a small eatery which advertised their french fries in just that way -- it was their way of saying "large" or "medium".
They had "niña frita" for the small size.

[Judge Roy Bean]

Why is it called "lobster sauce" when there's no lobster in it?

[Pottapaug1938]

If corn oil is made from corn, and fish oil is made from fish, what is used to make baby oil?

[AndyK]

Along that line; what are the ingredients in Girl Scout cookies? Soylent green?

[Fmotlgroupie]

Along that line; what are the ingredients in Girl Scout cookies? Soylent green?

I was told Soylent Green tasted terrible, but I've found it varies from person to person.

[Pottapaug1938]

Who put the benzedrine in Mrs. Murphy's Ovaltine?

[webhick]

Why is it called "lobster sauce" when there's no lobster in it?

I have a similar issue with clam juice.

[Cpt Banjo]

Why is every Tom, Dick, and Harry named John?

[noblepa]

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

[noblepa]

Why, when you've lost something, do you always find it in the last place you look?

[Pottapaug1938]

Why, when you've lost something, do you always find it in the last place you look?

There's a classic Boy Scout skit in which a Scout is intensely studying the ground near a blazing campfire (of course, at night). A group of Scouts comes along and asks him what he is doing; and the first Scout replies that he has lost his pocket knife and is searching for it. Since A Scout is Helpful, the other Scouts join in the search, to no avail.

After a few minutes, one Scout asks the first Scout "are you sure that you lost your knife here?" The first Scout replies "no -- I lost it in the (pitch black) woods over there." The second Scout then replies, in an exasperated tone, "so why the heck are we looking for the knife over here?" The first Scout replies "because the light is better, over here."

The other Scouts then chase him into the woods, ending the skit.

[Pottapaug1938]

Hard work pays off someday. Lazy pays off NOW.