Stratford Lapeer - Undaunted by lack of talent

[Quartermass]

http://markkaygonzo.wixsite.com/stratfordlapeer1

Stumbled across another outfit who appears to be leading lambs to the slaughter. Wonder how many lives this group has ruined? But judging from their motto it seems they are more aware of the situation than most:

Let your ambition far exceed your talent.

Indeed.

Or your knowledge, or sometimes even your grasp on reality.

But I suppose if you know how to translate it's easy enough to see what they are really saying. Take the last paragraph of their intro:

Victories rendered are determined by the amount of effort our clients put in with our guided help and specialized technology to their own spritual growth. Its has to come from within. We can not guarrentee a win for everybody but we can guarentee that anyone who contacts us will feel as though they have been given the power and might of the proverbial "sword and shield" to move forward without fear or hesitation like a knight in battle and will be seeing things for the first time with a total renewing of the mind.

Victories rendered are determined by the amount of effort our clients put in with our guided help and specialized technology to their own spritual growth.
Translation: If the shit hits the fan when you follow our advice, we will blame it on you.

Its has to come from within.
Translation: You need to buy in totally so that you don't question us.

We can not guarrentee a win for everybody
Translation: You're screwed, but (see sentence 1) we will blame the failure on you. Plus either they are completely ignorant of the rules of English spelling or else Gomer Pyle was dictating this nonsense.

but we can guarentee that anyone who contacts us will feel as though they have been given the power and might of the proverbial "sword and shield"
Translation: You'll FEEL like you've got the power, you may even learn the words of power, but in the end you are still just Billy Batson

to move forward without fear or hesitation like a knight in battle
Translation: We'll make you just as belligerent, insufferable and unintelligible as the rest of 'em

and will be seeing things for the first time with a total renewing of the mind.
Translation: Your head will be so messed up in the end, you won't even be able to see straight.

I wonder if "STRATFORD LAPEER & Associates" (Paragraph 2) is a completelty separate and distinct corporate entity from the "STRATFORD LAPEER & ASSOCIATES" mentioned in paragraph 9. And are either one related in any way to the "Stratford Lapeer & Assciates, L.L.C." whose mark appears at the end? Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. I would have to say these folks ambition does indeed far exceed their talent, but I don't think their sights need to be set very high to accomplish that.

[The Observer]

...ut we can guarentee that anyone who contacts us will feel as though they have been given the power and might of the proverbial "sword and shield"...

I get the impression that these promoters have overdosed on too many episodes of "He-Man":

[quote="Wikipedia entry for "He-Man"]The Sorceress of Castle Grayskull endowed Prince Adam with the power to transform into He-Man, which Adam did by raising his Power Sword and proclaiming, "By the power of Grayskull..." Once the transformation was complete, he continued "...I have the power!".[/quote]

[fortinbras]

I am inclined to bet the mortgage that Stratford Lapeer - and all the other names used - is not incorporated under any state, despite calling itself an LLC, that it has no legal existence and the anonymous/pseudononymous individuals behind it will vanish at the first serious problem. Their selection of documents indicates a serious misunderstanding of how legal problems are handled.

If you want to cease worrying about a minor legal problem, take it to Stratford Lapeer .... and soon the minor legal problem will be completely eclipsed by a major legal problem.

[Arthur Rubin]

I get the impression that these promoters have overdosed on too many episodes of "He-Man":

Believe it or not, I know one of the script-writers for the show. I think he would agree.

[Quartermass]

It appears that this outfit has absconded or re-branded because their website, Facebook page and LinkedIn profile have all been scraped clean. Wonder if something went down or the gig just became unprofitable? Seems you wouldn't clear off so completely unless there was some heat, but then what do I know?