New CTC Lemming with a twist

[Agent Observer]

Anyone happen to notice the newest lemming over at CTC? It's amusing to watch them play semantic games equivalent to "verbal pixie dust," but this sprinkles a bit more, since he is paid by the federal government. It's really too bad there isn't a "reality remote" where we could just fast forward to the end where the lemming willfully jumps off the cliff of financial destruction (and probably loses his job).

http://www.losthorizons.com/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=132

Hello all-
I work for the Smithsonian in Washington DC. I am not, however, a Federal employee; my job is called a "temporary intermittent" position. I never took the "Oath of Civil Service" (pasted at bottom) and I get paid from a Trust Fund. After reading Crack the Code, I was afraid that since I work in a Smithsonian Museum, that I might be a true "statutory employee". I reassured myself when I read the following on the Smithsonian's website:


"What is the difference between Federal and Trust positions?

Federal positions make up about 2/3 of Smithsonian jobs and are funded by Congressional appropriations. Federal positions are civil service positions, and U.S. citizenship is required for appointment. When reviewing Smithsonian job openings, Federal jobs are designated with pay plans GS, WG or SL.

Trust Fund positions are unique to the Smithsonian, and are paid for by money from the Smithsonian endowment which is supplemented by income from our business operations and funds raised through private donations. Trust employees are considered similar to private sector employees. Trust Fund positions are not part of the civil service and time worked does not lead to Federal status. Trust jobs are designated IS, HG, IL or AE.

Federal and Trust Fund salaries are configured from the same pay scales. Benefits are comparable but different in some aspects. See the chart that outlines the differences in benefits as well as clarifying what happens to your benefits when you change from a Federal to Trust position and vice versa."

______________

Oath of Civil Service

I, [name], do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.

5 U.S.C. §3331

______________

I just thought this might interest some other Crackers. Your responses are all welcome--
Brian

[Demosthenes]

There's a coincidence. I know a couple of execs at the Smithsonian.

[Imalawman]

There's a coincidence. I know a couple of execs at the Smithsonian.

Why does that not surprise me at all? Poor Brian.

[Evil Squirrel Overlord]

Hello all-
I work for the Smithsonian in Washington DC. I am not, however, a Federal employee; my job is called a "temporary intermittent" position. I never took the "Oath of Civil Service" (pasted at bottom) and I get paid from a Trust Fund. After reading Crack the Code, I was afraid that since I work in a Smithsonian Museum, that I might be a true "statutory employee".

This would be a contract employee. What’s nice about this status is that you get to collect unemployment when the contract ends and you don’t have to mess around with 1099s. What’s even greater is that you can request that your employer call the IRS and tell them that you are special and to keep an eye on the return you will be sending them. When April 15th rolls around. (You don’t want to get your refund early and earn interest on the money the gubberment STOLE from you.) You indicate by writing in caps the first letter of each word standing for: Individual American Male – Assignment Noncivil— Intermittent Duties - Involuntary Officeholder Temporary or I.A.M.A.N.I.D.I.O.T. Write this across your return with a standard Marks-A-Lot marker (you need to do this on a paper form… liberally inhale the fumes as you do this… get it close to you nose…. Feels good doesn’t it? Now write an OMB number on your forehead.) When you are no longer nauseous go to the post office and mail it in. Remember to fill the form out correctly as the IRS will then know your true status and your return will bring them joy as it is passed around the office.

[grixit]

The Liberator:

1 oz methanol, 1 oz absinthe, 2 drops formaldehyde. Stir together with a sprig of jimson weed and serve with a twist of lemming.

Sounds about right.

[grixit]

As for the oath, what do they do if someone objects to "so help me God".

[Dr. Caligari]

That's why the Constitution says "oath or affirmation."

[Evil Squirrel Overlord]

As for the oath, what do they do if someone objects to "so help me God".

The one I took never had that. (Work three different occasions only took the oath the thrid time but without the God part...but the American flag was present, and that is like a god to some people) What trobles me is that if I never took the official oath does that means my cool park ranger hat is not official?

[Demosthenes]

Most of the aerospace docents are retired pilots and vets, and are unpaid.

[Imalawman]

As for the oath, what do they do if someone objects to "so help me God".

The one I took never had that. (Work three different occasions only took the oath the thrid time but without the God part...but the American flag was present, and that is like a god to some people) What trobles me is that if I never took the official oath does that means my cool park ranger hat is not official?

Ah, a park ranger...such a cool job. There are many days where I think if I could go back and do it over again I'd be a park ranger. Just to be clear, I don't consider it an easy job, but I think it'd be so cool to work around nature a lot. Sometimes my office feels so cold and dark.

[webhick]

As for the oath, what do they do if someone objects to "so help me God".

For those of you who have used your Illuminati Secret Decoder rings as breakfast cereal topping, the oath ACTUALLY reads:

I, [name], do solemnly giggle (or belly laugh) that I will bastardize and occasionally burn with lit cigarettes leftover Christmas wrapping paper at support group meetings with asylum Hall of Fame inductees, furry and scrawny; that I will bear all and get together with others that do too; that I take this obligation against my will, without any mental faculties or purpose of life; and that I will disappointingly and neglectfully ignore the duties of the party line on which I am about to participate. So make me gnaw on the golden guinea pig tail and let's get this show on the road.

[Dr. Caligari]

that I will bear all

Shouldn't that be bare all?

[webhick]

that I will bear all

Shouldn't that be bare all?

Crap! Wait, you actually bothered to read that? It's like that Twilight Zone episode where the hooker is only visible to plants and she eventually freaks out and kills a chocolate easter bunny. Then it comes back from the dead to grant her super-secret wish to be seen again and when she wakes up the next day a chickadee swoops down from the heavens and tells her she can't end a sentence with a preposition.

Yep. Just like that

[LPC]

It's like that Twilight Zone episode where the hooker is only visible to plants and she eventually freaks out and kills a chocolate easter bunny. Then it comes back from the dead to grant her super-secret wish to be seen again and when she wakes up the next day a chickadee swoops down from the heavens and tells her she can't end a sentence with a preposition.

One of my favorites.

Didn't Ron Howard play the chocolate easter bunny, with Yvonne DeCarlo as the hooker?

[webhick]

It's like that Twilight Zone episode where the hooker is only visible to plants and she eventually freaks out and kills a chocolate easter bunny. Then it comes back from the dead to grant her super-secret wish to be seen again and when she wakes up the next day a chickadee swoops down from the heavens and tells her she can't end a sentence with a preposition.

One of my favorites.

Didn't Ron Howard play the chocolate easter bunny, with Yvonne DeCarlo as the hooker?

I do believe that you're thinking of the alternative ending found only on the director's cut 8mm. After filming, it was decided that Ron Howard was too young to play the part of the chocolate easter bunny. They re-filmed his scenes with John Wayne. The best part was when he improved the line, "Little lady, where I come from we don't stab the bunnies, we gnaw their ears off." You were right on Yvonne DeCarlo, though.

[Dr. Caligari]

I do believe that you're thinking of the alternative ending found only on the director's cut 8mm. After filming, it was decided that Ron Howard was too young to play the part of the chocolate easter bunny. They re-filmed his scenes with John Wayne. The best part was when he improved the line, "Little lady, where I come from we don't stab the bunnies, we gnaw their ears off." You were right on Yvonne DeCarlo, though.

Webhick, where I can I get some of those drugs that you're on?

[webhick]

Webhick, where I can I get some of those drugs that you're on?

Jimmy Hoffa sells them out of the back of his Kaufman drawn carriage. A free lifetime supply is available if you can give him a picture of Ed Brown groping the Queen of England. He's a collector.

[Disilloosianed]

Claude Akins as the chickadee