Canada embarks on Doomsday.

[The Observer]

These are indeed dark times. You may think that this declaration is because of the COVID pandemic/endemic, the supply chain shortage, the Chinese raising the stakes over Taiwan, or the build-up of Russian troops on the Ukrainian border. But that is not the reason. There is a worse crisis threatening our world. How do I know this? Because of the headline that I read this morning. Doomsday, indeed!

You probably passed over this article and never gave it a second glance. But did you realize that there was even such a thing as a strategic maple syrup reserve? It never occurred to me that Canada was capable of building up such a weapon to be unleashed when they seek revenge for all of the insults tossed at them over the last 50 years or more. The mind cringes at the thought of a towering dark wave of faux treacle, overflowing the borders of Vermont and Maine and creeping towards New York City. Yes, it will take a while, but eventually Manhattan will be sitting under a 8 foot pool of Anderson's.

Of course, the immediate issue is the fact the world is demanding more maple syrup, but it appears that the lazy Canadians have not been keeping up. It is obviously because they have been spending time downing Molson and Moosehead instead of tapping maple trees and boiling the resulting sap. And our own resident Canadian, Burnaby49, has failed to keep us apprised of this disaster. What is the point of inviting him into the Illuminati if he can't be even bothered to let us know that there was a maple syrup shortage? This was a money-making opportunity that he sat on until it is too late for us to do anything about it.

Thanks a lot, Burnaby.

[Burnaby49]

Be afraid, very afraid, it won't be creeping. The Great Molasses Flood of 1919 killed 21 of you sugar-craving Americans and hit 35 miles an hour in its rampage. That's just a taste of what you'd get if we unleash the maple syrup reserves at the border.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Molasses_Flood

Don't blame us for the shortage. It's your unnatural perverse lust to throw maple syrup flavouring into every damn food item on your menus. The only breakfast sausages I could get at Safeway yesterday were maple sugar flavoured. Not as great an abomination as the maple syrup flavoured beer I once saw but an indication of what our struggling, overwhelmed industry has to contend with. If you just restricted your usage to what God intended, pancakes and waffles (I'll concede ice cream too, that seems to be one of your basic food groups), there would be no problem.

If you're looking for a villain blame those damn prima donnas, the maple trees. We've tried and tried to incentivize them but they trickle the syrup out in their own sweet time without a concern in the world about supply and demand or production schedules.

[eric]

Of course, the immediate issue is the fact the world is demanding more maple syrup, but it appears that the lazy Canadians have not been keeping up. It is obviously because they have been spending time downing Molson and Moosehead instead of tapping maple trees and boiling the resulting sap.

Allright, let's clear up some misconceptions here. You don't drink Molson's products in the Eastern Townships, it's Labatt's 50. If you want something a little bit more alcoholic it's rye or dark rum with the cold sap as a mixer (actually quite drinkable IMHO). The other problem is that the shortage is really a marketing ploy. Yes there is a shortage of the grossly over-priced light grades that the syrup board controls. You have been misled into thinking that this is the only grade you should buy. A short, warm spring means less light syrup but an excess of medium and dark. Nothing wrong with medium, one quarter the price, and tastes stronger of maple but still palatable. Even cheaper is dark syrup. Great for cooking and baking, something like maple flavored molasses, but to make sure you only buy the expensive stuff it's only for commercial sale in the US.

[morrand]

Certainly, anyone who reads Kevin Underhill's Lowering the Bar regularly would know about the strategic maple syrup reserve, given that someone once stole it. Naturally, this was the kind of story that Mr. Underhill couldn't help writing about, repeatedly.

The USDA calls the grades of syrup something else than light, medium, and dark. Thanks to what I assume to be vigorous and ceaseless lobbying on behalf of our syrup producers, the official US grades of syrup are Grade A (i.e., good) and Processing Grade (other), with colors described as "Golden," "Amber," "Dark," and "Very Dark." ("Log Cabin" is not one of the grades, contrary to what my 5-year-old self would think.) I have a wee bottle of U.S.-spec "Dark" syrup in my fridge right now (bought at Target during my last camping trip) and would be perfectly happy using it on pancakes, waffles, and the occasional cake-in-a-mug.

Molasses is a pungent product and I cannot imagine using it for any purposes other than flavoring dark rye breads, feeding the lawn. and propagating inappropriately-funny disasters.

[Burnaby49]

I have two bottles of maple syrup in the fridge. A dark for the very infrequent baking I do that requires it and a medium for everything else I use it for, mainly on waffles. Both fine for my purposes. No way I'd pay Big Maple's extortionist price for the light.

The only time I've bought light was for my father when he was in the retirement home. He wanted a consistent supply of two things, maple syrup and imported Stilton cheese. Both were pricey but it was his money and small pleasures loom large in institutions. Eventually I switched to medium because he liked it better but there was no substitute for the Stilton.

Regarding the theft of our strategic supply I reported that national disaster here on Quatloos almost a decade ago;

https://www.quatloos.com/Q-Forum/viewto ... 17#p151317

[eric]

Since Canada uses a different grading system and not all US sellers have switched to the new definitions I thought it easier just to use light, medium, and dark. Besides it's simple - just use whatever you like the taste of for that application and can afford. Also if you're outside of Quebec you can find all sorts of local guys knocking it out themselves and farm gating it so quality and taste may vary

[The Observer]

Molasses is a pungent product and I cannot imagine using it for any purposes other than flavoring dark rye breads, feeding the lawn. and propagating inappropriately-funny disasters.

You do realize that molasses is used in the making of rum, no? And brown sugar? And as a dietary supplement? And ethanol? And my favorite, gingerbread? Of course this is molasses that has been rendered from sugar cane. The other type of molasses for human consumption comes from sorghum and is eaten primarily in the South. My mom enjoyed sorghum molasses on her biscuits, as well as using it in cooking.

And as for the price of maple syrup, light or dark, it's too darn expensive for my taste buds. I'd rather rely on the faux stuff that gets plied to us commoners here in the States. I find maple syrup to be too sweet for any amount of consumption. I eat pancakes and waffles rarely, and when I do I prefer to use a huckleberry or boysenberry syrup, something that you Canadians have not managed to turn into an extortionate monopoly. But the minute Costco starts shipping these syrups to you guys, I will be celebrating with a fair amount of schadenfreude.

[AnOwlCalledSage]

I've been to both the US and Canada. You can keep your infighting over the overrated maple syrup and high fructose corn syrup fakeries.

Nothing other than Lyle's Golden Syrup will do.

[Burnaby49]

I'm a big Lyle's fan, it's the gold standard. Much better than maple. I've eaten it since a kid because my mother, a Yorkshire lass, always had it. Unfortunately I can no longer find it here in Vancouver. I plan to stock up if I ever get to Britain again.

[eric]

Uhhhh..... I understand Burnaby49 is a high class kind of guy but he can buy his Lyle's syrup at his local Walmart by the case load should he so desire. You can also buy the Canadian equivalent made by Rogers for much cheaper.

[Burnaby49]

Canadian equivalent? CANADIAN EQUIVALENT? What kind of sad jest is that? As with my father's Stilton it's the real thing or nothing. Like my mother I like it on toast instead of jam and in my oatmeal.

As you say, being a high class guy, I'm not a frequenter of Walmart even though it is just a ten minute drive away. However, now that you've clued me into a possible source (it's far from a full-sized Walmart, by their standards just a corner store) I'll give it a shot. Thanks for the tip.

[The Observer]

And in the meantime, while Burnaby was frittering away precious moments defending the Canadian strategic maple syrup reserve (the words "strategic" and "maple syrup" should never occur in the same sentence), he missed out on three days of paradise (Burnaby's idea of paradise, that is) in perfidious Albion. I daresay he never had such an opportunity in the land of Canada.

[Burnaby49]

I tried the link to see about this purported paradise and got;

Information
The requested page could not be found.

[wserra]

Burnaby - try again.

[Burnaby49]

Thanks Wes, works this time. However, as a dedicated UK pubber I of course already knew about the involuntary party. I've been to the Tan Hill Inn three times, twice with my boozing buddy and once with my wife. Yorkshire gets a surprising amount of snow, lots of winter strandings out in the hinterlands.

The first time I went to Tan Hill was on a pubbing trip dedicated to doing all of the pubs in a pamphlet I'd bought of odd UK pubs, like this one;


Britain's smallest pub;


The oldest (although a much disputed claim);


That sort of thing. Tan hill was in the book because it's the highest altitude pub in the UK. Not as isolated as you might think. It's only (in good weather) about a 20 minute drive from Richmond, a good sized town.