Vogon IRS
-
- Illuminati Obfuscation: Black Ops Div
- Posts: 3994
- Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2007 1:41 am
Vogon IRS
If the Vogons are in charge of the IRS, we should totally help them out by converting IRS correspondence to bad poetry. My little contribution:
We found an error
Your return was corrected
Review and respond
We found an error
Your return was corrected
Review and respond
When chosen for jury duty, tell the judge "fortune cookie says guilty" - A fortune cookie
-
- Quatloosian Master of Deception
- Posts: 1542
- Joined: Wed Mar 19, 2003 2:00 am
- Location: Sanhoudalistan
Re: Vogon IRS
We found an error, clerical.
Do not become hysterical.
Although you made a grave mistake
Your car and first born we won't take.
We think, however, you'll agree
that 2 plus 2 is 4, not 3.
Do not become hysterical.
Although you made a grave mistake
Your car and first born we won't take.
We think, however, you'll agree
that 2 plus 2 is 4, not 3.
"Here is a fundamental question to ask yourself- what is the goal of the income tax scam? I think it is a means to extract wealth from the masses and give it to a parasite class." Skankbeat
-
- Fretful leader of the Quat Quartet
- Posts: 782
- Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2004 7:56 pm
- Location: Usually between the first and twelfth frets
Re: Vogon IRS
Your return is frivolous -- that much is true
So we're gonna use Section Six Seven Oh Two
To add 5 thou to your bill; please remit.
Resistance is useless, you fatuous git.*
*Substituted for another, more descriptive word in order to conform to the Quatloos Code of Decency.**
** I assume there is one, but I could be wrong...
So we're gonna use Section Six Seven Oh Two
To add 5 thou to your bill; please remit.
Resistance is useless, you fatuous git.*
*Substituted for another, more descriptive word in order to conform to the Quatloos Code of Decency.**
** I assume there is one, but I could be wrong...
"Run get the pitcher, get the baby some beer." Rev. Gary Davis
Re: Vogon IRS
And now for some Canadian content (gasp!)
We assessed you under section 152(7) of the ITA
So even though you haven't filed you still have to pay.
You may have been snitched on by one of your friends
The bailiff will be by shortly to pick up your Benz.
...I'll show myself out now.
We assessed you under section 152(7) of the ITA
So even though you haven't filed you still have to pay.
You may have been snitched on by one of your friends
The bailiff will be by shortly to pick up your Benz.
...I'll show myself out now.
-
- Princeps Wooloosia
- Posts: 3144
- Joined: Sat May 24, 2008 4:50 pm
Re: Vogon IRS
I am so glad that someone is a fan of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
-
- Illuminati Obfuscation: Black Ops Div
- Posts: 3994
- Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2007 1:41 am
Re: Vogon IRS
This is a stretch:
There once was a letter from Ogden
Which described actions most rotten
The next notice we send
There it will be penned
Very soon you must begin to smarten
There once was a letter from Ogden
Which described actions most rotten
The next notice we send
There it will be penned
Very soon you must begin to smarten
When chosen for jury duty, tell the judge "fortune cookie says guilty" - A fortune cookie
-
- Illuminati Obfuscation: Black Ops Div
- Posts: 3994
- Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2007 1:41 am
Re: Vogon IRS
We won't rest until Famspear's work is pinned to bulletin boards in every federal law enforcement agency in the country. NAY, THE WORLD!fortinbras wrote:I am so glad that someone is a fan of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
Maybe we should consider a coffee table book containing our very best (or humorously bad) poems and song parodies. It'd make a pretty good fundraising item, especially since the mugs have gone the way of the dodo.
When chosen for jury duty, tell the judge "fortune cookie says guilty" - A fortune cookie
-
- Order of the Quatloos, Brevet First Class
- Posts: 1258
- Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2010 3:51 pm
Re: Vogon IRS
You really don't want to
use frivolous arguments--
Big Fat Penalties!
use frivolous arguments--
Big Fat Penalties!
Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to. T. Pratchett
Always be a moving target. L.M. Bujold
Always be a moving target. L.M. Bujold
-
- Illuminati Obfuscation: Black Ops Div
- Posts: 3994
- Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2007 1:41 am
Re: Vogon IRS
Quitcher bitchin'
Quitcher cryin'
You owe taxes
Now where's the money?
Quitcher cryin'
You owe taxes
Now where's the money?
When chosen for jury duty, tell the judge "fortune cookie says guilty" - A fortune cookie
-
- Quatloosian Federal Witness
- Posts: 7580
- Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2003 6:39 pm
Re: Vogon IRS
From the IRS, courtesy of the Vogon Poetry Generator, especially for Submarine Veteran:
See, see the strident sky
Marvel at its big puce depths.
Tell me, Submarine Veteran do you
Wonder why the warthog ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel execrable.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your bysphrix facial growth
That looks like
A moldy cheese.
What's more, it knows
Your foghorn potting shed
Smells of snail.
Everything under the big strident sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm garbages.
Strangely apt, no?
See, see the strident sky
Marvel at its big puce depths.
Tell me, Submarine Veteran do you
Wonder why the warthog ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel execrable.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your bysphrix facial growth
That looks like
A moldy cheese.
What's more, it knows
Your foghorn potting shed
Smells of snail.
Everything under the big strident sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm garbages.
Strangely apt, no?
"A wise man proportions belief to the evidence."
- David Hume
- David Hume
-
- Illuminated Legate of Illustrious Legs
- Posts: 660
- Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 5:27 am
Re: Vogon IRS
Well if we are submitting our poetry . . . (it is clear I have too much time on my hands):
Ode to a CTC Tax Cheat
Your payer had given to you
Your very own W-2
This wrong you did say
No income I made
“Please help” you asked “what shall I do.”
So off to the internet you went
Many hours on losthorizons spent
You read Petey’s book
Followed Skankbeat’s hook
And your educated return you sent.
Your CTC return we did not catch at first
So illusions of free dollars you nursed
A victory you did post
On the forum Petey hosts
When we saw that your bubble we burst
Friv pens to your return were assessed
When we saw your return was a hot mess
You made up those numbers
CTCers just get dumber
At this point you should just have confessed
But no a trial you did seek
So into the courtroom you peeked
Beware the flag with the fringe
Skankbeat said your case on it will hinge
There it was and you said this courtroom reeks
The judge in your case was a tool
In CTC law he just was not schooled
He refused to let you say
Income you were not paid
Curses to that dawgone Judge Fool.
$1000 in penalties you were fined
A victory no doubt in your mind
You weren't sent to jail
So you lived to spread your tale
And reported your win back to your kind.
Alas Skankbeat just was not impressed
With keen insight in common law he is blessed
Had you used the right words
You could have flipped Judge Fool the bird
And ended up paying penalties of much less.
So the moral of my poem is this
The real tax law CTCers surely do miss
In lala land they do play
When their taxes they don’t pay
And my ass Skankbeat surely can kiss.
Ode to a CTC Tax Cheat
Your payer had given to you
Your very own W-2
This wrong you did say
No income I made
“Please help” you asked “what shall I do.”
So off to the internet you went
Many hours on losthorizons spent
You read Petey’s book
Followed Skankbeat’s hook
And your educated return you sent.
Your CTC return we did not catch at first
So illusions of free dollars you nursed
A victory you did post
On the forum Petey hosts
When we saw that your bubble we burst
Friv pens to your return were assessed
When we saw your return was a hot mess
You made up those numbers
CTCers just get dumber
At this point you should just have confessed
But no a trial you did seek
So into the courtroom you peeked
Beware the flag with the fringe
Skankbeat said your case on it will hinge
There it was and you said this courtroom reeks
The judge in your case was a tool
In CTC law he just was not schooled
He refused to let you say
Income you were not paid
Curses to that dawgone Judge Fool.
$1000 in penalties you were fined
A victory no doubt in your mind
You weren't sent to jail
So you lived to spread your tale
And reported your win back to your kind.
Alas Skankbeat just was not impressed
With keen insight in common law he is blessed
Had you used the right words
You could have flipped Judge Fool the bird
And ended up paying penalties of much less.
So the moral of my poem is this
The real tax law CTCers surely do miss
In lala land they do play
When their taxes they don’t pay
And my ass Skankbeat surely can kiss.
-
- Further Moderator
- Posts: 7521
- Joined: Thu Feb 06, 2003 11:48 pm
- Location: Virgin Islands Gunsmith
Re: Vogon IRS
Hi-ho, hi-ho
It's off to seize we go
You filed some junk
That was pure bunk
Hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho
Hi-ho, hi-ho
Back from the bank we go
We grabbed your cash
In one mad dash
Hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho
- from "The Revenue Officer's Hymnal: Songs To Levy By"
It's off to seize we go
You filed some junk
That was pure bunk
Hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho
Hi-ho, hi-ho
Back from the bank we go
We grabbed your cash
In one mad dash
Hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho
- from "The Revenue Officer's Hymnal: Songs To Levy By"
"I could be dead wrong on this" - Irwin Schiff
"Do you realize I may even be delusional with respect to my income tax beliefs? " - Irwin Schiff
"Do you realize I may even be delusional with respect to my income tax beliefs? " - Irwin Schiff
-
- Recycler of Paytriot Fantasies
- Posts: 4287
- Joined: Thu Apr 24, 2003 6:02 am
Re: Vogon IRS
Yeah, but can you name all seven of them?
Three cheers for the Lesser Evil!
10 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
. . . . . . Dr Pepper
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . 4
10 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
. . . . . . Dr Pepper
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . 4
-
- Order of the Quatloos, Brevet First Class
- Posts: 1258
- Joined: Wed Apr 07, 2010 3:51 pm
Re: Vogon IRS
Greedy, Snarky, Lonely, Spacey, Napoleonic Complex (aka Shorty), Sneaky, and Doc.grixit wrote:Yeah, but can you name all seven of them?
There's always a Doc.
Goodness is about what you do. Not what you pray to. T. Pratchett
Always be a moving target. L.M. Bujold
Always be a moving target. L.M. Bujold
-
- Grand Exalted Keeper of Esoterica
- Posts: 5773
- Joined: Wed Jan 29, 2003 3:11 pm
-
- Fourth Shogun of Quatloosia
- Posts: 885
- Joined: Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:04 pm
- Location: Here, I used to be there, but I moved.
Re: Vogon IRS
He might be a chiropractor.Demosthenes wrote:Is Doc a dentist who doesn't pay taxes?
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak.
-
- Knight Templar of the Sacred Tax
- Posts: 7668
- Joined: Sat May 19, 2007 12:59 pm
- Location: Texas
Re: Vogon IRS
With apologies to my pal, "Eddie Al":
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of financial lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping -- rapping, rapping at my door.
`'Tis the maid,' I muttered, `tapping there outside my office door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
Ah, distinctly I remember: I was feeling not too limber,
Stuck inside my office there, as though glued right to my chair.
And the reason? And the reason?
You should know! It was tax season!
I was working on returns all night, preparing them with care.
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, yes, yes, yes, I’m coming to the door;
But the fact is I am busy, I am worked into a tizzy,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my office door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
And an IRS guy entered, laid his briefcase on the floor.
He announced that he would audit
Each return from years before…..
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of financial lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping -- rapping, rapping at my door.
`'Tis the maid,' I muttered, `tapping there outside my office door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
Ah, distinctly I remember: I was feeling not too limber,
Stuck inside my office there, as though glued right to my chair.
And the reason? And the reason?
You should know! It was tax season!
I was working on returns all night, preparing them with care.
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, yes, yes, yes, I’m coming to the door;
But the fact is I am busy, I am worked into a tizzy,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my office door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
And an IRS guy entered, laid his briefcase on the floor.
He announced that he would audit
Each return from years before…..
"My greatest fear is that the audience will beat me to the punch line." -- David Mamet
-
- Further Moderator
- Posts: 7521
- Joined: Thu Feb 06, 2003 11:48 pm
- Location: Virgin Islands Gunsmith
Re: Vogon IRS
I think grixit was asking for the names of the seven revenue officers:Cathulhu wrote:Greedy, Snarky, Lonely, Spacey, Napoleonic Complex (aka Shorty), Sneaky, and Doc.grixit wrote:Yeah, but can you name all seven of them?
There's always a Doc.
Grabby, Seizy, Nopey, Scrappy, Grouchy, Screamy, and Croc.
"I could be dead wrong on this" - Irwin Schiff
"Do you realize I may even be delusional with respect to my income tax beliefs? " - Irwin Schiff
"Do you realize I may even be delusional with respect to my income tax beliefs? " - Irwin Schiff
-
- Trusted Keeper of the All True FAQ
- Posts: 5233
- Joined: Sun Mar 02, 2003 3:38 am
- Location: Earth
Re: Vogon IRS
What happened to Snotty, Greedy, A__hole, and Dopey? (Yes, there was a "Dopey" in the original version, but we're talking about a different "Dopey" here.)The Observer wrote:I think grixit was asking for the names of the seven revenue officers:Cathulhu wrote:Greedy, Snarky, Lonely, Spacey, Napoleonic Complex (aka Shorty), Sneaky, and Doc.grixit wrote:Yeah, but can you name all seven of them?
There's always a Doc.
Grabby, Seizy, Nopey, Scrappy, Grouchy, Screamy, and Croc.
Dan Evans
Foreman of the Unified Citizens' Grand Jury for Pennsylvania
(And author of the Tax Protester FAQ: evans-legal.com/dan/tpfaq.html)
"Nothing is more terrible than ignorance in action." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
Foreman of the Unified Citizens' Grand Jury for Pennsylvania
(And author of the Tax Protester FAQ: evans-legal.com/dan/tpfaq.html)
"Nothing is more terrible than ignorance in action." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
-
- Conde de Quatloo
- Posts: 5631
- Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 5:08 am
- Location: Der Dachshundbünker
Re: Vogon IRS
LPC wrote: What happened to Snotty, Greedy, A__hole, and Dopey? (Yes, there was a "Dopey" in the original version, but we're talking about a different "Dopey" here.)
Von Nuthaus?
Supreme Commander of The Imperial Illuminati Air Force
Your concern is duly noted, filed, folded, stamped, sealed with wax and affixed with a thumbprint in red ink, forgotten, recalled, considered, reconsidered, appealed, denied and quietly ignored.
Your concern is duly noted, filed, folded, stamped, sealed with wax and affixed with a thumbprint in red ink, forgotten, recalled, considered, reconsidered, appealed, denied and quietly ignored.